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Be sure to read this post! Beware of scammers. https://www.indianagunowners.com/threads/classifieds-new-online-payment-guidelines-rules-paypal-venmo-zelle-etc.511734/
INGO: Joke of the day page
- Thread starter FordMan08
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- ban mbills!
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That was totally not where I saw that joke going...
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, the towns people were in church, listening to the organ play. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 30 years."
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 30 years."
A lady takes her dog to the vet because he cant hear.
The vet checks him out and finds he has excess ear hair. He takes a qtip, dips it in nair and swirls it around inside each ear, telling her "just do this every couple weeks and he'll be fine."
So she goes to the pharmacy and asks for a bottle of nair.
The pharmacist says "if you are going to use this on your legs, dont shave your legs for 3 days."
"Im not going to use it on my legs" she replied.
"In that case, when you use it on your armpits, dont shave them for at least 3 days." replied the Pharmacist.
The lady replied "Im not going to use it on my armpits either, Im going to put it on my schnauzer."
The pharmacist replied "In that case, stay off your bicycle for 3 weeks."
The vet checks him out and finds he has excess ear hair. He takes a qtip, dips it in nair and swirls it around inside each ear, telling her "just do this every couple weeks and he'll be fine."
So she goes to the pharmacy and asks for a bottle of nair.
The pharmacist says "if you are going to use this on your legs, dont shave your legs for 3 days."
"Im not going to use it on my legs" she replied.
"In that case, when you use it on your armpits, dont shave them for at least 3 days." replied the Pharmacist.
The lady replied "Im not going to use it on my armpits either, Im going to put it on my schnauzer."
The pharmacist replied "In that case, stay off your bicycle for 3 weeks."
A friend was telling me, “You won’t believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said, Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, Throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop.
Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Goodwill.
Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.
Finally, disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.”
“Holy Smokes,” I replied, “She actually said that?”
“Well, she didn’t put it quite like that ... She actually said...
“Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We’re going to work together on Bernie’s election campaign.”
Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Goodwill.
Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.
Finally, disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.”
“Holy Smokes,” I replied, “She actually said that?”
“Well, she didn’t put it quite like that ... She actually said...
“Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We’re going to work together on Bernie’s election campaign.”
More of a "sad but true"
Hoosierkav
Expert
1 and countingProbably the shortest quality post this group has seen in a while.
GunSlinger
Master
I now fully understand why TP is as rare as chicken lips. I was standing in the cereal aisle of my local Kroger putting a box of Rice Chex into my cart when I was beset by an overwhelming requirement to sneeze. So I sneezed into my elbow and 100 shoppers filled their tighty whities. That got real stinky REAL fast.
My wife says "Yes, it is still too early!" I know because I asked her when I stopped laughing.
Hoosierdood
Grandmaster
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority recently found over 200 dead crows in the areas surrounding Boston, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Influenza, aka Bird Flu.
A bird Pathologist examined the remains of the deceased crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem definitely was not Avian Influenza. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis, it was noted that varying colors of paint appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues, it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause:
When crows eat roadkill, they always have a lookout crow nearby to warn of impending danger. He further noted that while all the lookout crows were able to shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".
A bird Pathologist examined the remains of the deceased crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem definitely was not Avian Influenza. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis, it was noted that varying colors of paint appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues, it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause:
When crows eat roadkill, they always have a lookout crow nearby to warn of impending danger. He further noted that while all the lookout crows were able to shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".
[video=youtube;7O7eYp0r0cc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7O7eYp0r0cc[/video]
