INGO: Joke of the day page

[daddyusmaximus]

Aren't time zones amazing?

In Austrailia, it's tomorrow.

In Europe, it's tonight.

In America, it's 1775,
where statist bootlickers try to disarm private citizens,
who just want to be left alone.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[Sigblitz]

What do you call a fat man in a little room.













Stuck.

 

[Sigblitz]

How to tell if someone is a Republican, a Democrat, or just a Southerner.
Are you a Republican, a Democrat, or a Southerner? This little test will help you decide:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you…
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 chambered in .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
******************************
Democrat’s Answer:
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! What is a Kimber 1911 and what does .45 ACP mean?
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior?
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. This is all so confusing!
******************************
Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
******************************
Southerner’s Answer:
BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click…..
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
Click.
Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Speer Gold Dots or Federal Premium hollow points?!”
Son: “Can I shoot the next one?!”
Wife: “You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!”

 

[chevyguy]

This is my kid’s favorite joke here goes,

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?












an investigator

 

[indyjohn]

Two wrongs don't make a right. But 3 lefts do.

 

[Ballstater98]

Two wrongs don't make a right. But 3 lefts do.

*If at 45°

 

[Hatin Since 87]

*If at 45°

Wouldn’t it be 90?

 

[Ballstater98]

Wouldn’t it be 90?

I missed the mark. I thought I put in a '?'
Like that intersection Southeastern Ave.

 

[Sigblitz]

3 45's sounds right to me.

 

[Thor]

3 45's sounds right to me.

Yeah, like the ones right here in my desk drawer...

 

[Sigblitz]

3 45's sounds right to me.

A hard right.

 

[daddyusmaximus]

If you love someone, set them free.

If they come back, somebody else probably loved them, and then set them free...

 

[ArcadiaGP]

Open your mind for a classic:

What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a chick pea?








I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbonzo bean on my face

 

[spencer rifle]

What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a whore with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits and the other...


What's the difference between a constipated owl and a poor marksman?

One shoots but can't hit and the other...

 

[smokingman]

Doctor: You've been diagnosed with #SARScov2
Patient: with what?? You mean #COVID?
Doctor: No, and it's called #COVID19.
Patient: So I have #coronavirus?
Doctor: NO! You have 2019-nCoV caused by SARS-CoV2.
Patient: So I have the #WuhanVirus?
Doctor:

 

[Bigtanker]

Doctor: You've been diagnosed with #SARScov2
Patient: with what?? You mean #COVID?
Doctor: No, and it's called #COVID19.
Patient: So I have #coronavirus?
Doctor: NO! You have 2019-nCoV caused by SARS-CoV2.
Patient: So I have the #WuhanVirus?
Doctor:

No clue what that means.

 

[wingrider1800]

No clue what that means.

 

[SlickRick]

What is an epileptic favorite pizza place? Little Seizures

 

[smokingman]

No clue what that means.

SARScov2 is the official name of the virus.
COVID is a name used for awhile.
COVID19 is what the World Health Organization renamed it.
coronavirus is what the media was calling it.
2019-nCoV caused by SARS-CoV2 is the epidemiologist name for the virus and disease.
WuhanVirus is what it was being called by social media.

It is now called Covid-19 by healthcare,CDC,and WHO.
The virus is and has been called Sars-CoC2 by scientist and virologist,and the disease is called Ncov-2019 by them.