INGO: Joke of the day page

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  • Ballstater98

    Certified Bro Shark
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    8   0   0
    Jan 18, 2015
    24,860
    113
    NWI
    A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
    "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
    pulls back the covers.
    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
    She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
    "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
    very, closely:
    "Are - my - test - results - back?"
     

    Mongo59

    Master
    Rating - 100%
    15   0   0
    Jul 30, 2018
    4,599
    113
    Purgatory
    Two student nurses are walking into the hospital one morning and one of them was carrying a bag.

    The other nurse asks, "What is in the bag?"

    The first replies, "Donuts."

    The second asks, "If I can guess how many donuts are in the bag will you give me one of them?"

    She replies, "Heck, if you can do that I will give you both of them..."
     

    Ballstater98

    Certified Bro Shark
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    Rating - 100%
    8   0   0
    Jan 18, 2015
    24,860
    113
    NWI
    20200428-210803.jpg
     

    Cameramonkey

    www.thechosen.tv
    Staff member
    Moderator
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    35   0   0
    May 12, 2013
    33,313
    77
    Camby area
    A guy is driving to work on the freeway. He gets pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up and he has his ticket book out. He starts to write the ticket and the guy says I'm sorry, I didnt mean to speed but I'm late for work at the hospital. And you have to let me go. They depend on me. You have to let me go or I'll be late.


    No excuses. Says the cop.


    You dont understand my job is very important.


    Oh really? How so?


    I'm a rectum stretcher.


    A rectum stretcher?


    Yes.


    Sorry, but I still have to give you a ticket. What does a rectum stretcher do?


    Well, they get the patient on the table. Then the get him up on his hands and knees.
    Then I get my fingers in there... after a while I get my whole hand in. Then after a little longer I get both hands in. I work at it a bit and eventially I stretch and stretch and stretch and if I'm on my game I get it stretched out to 6 feet.


    SIX FEET?!?!? What do you do with a six foot a-hole?


    You put him on an overpass with a radar gun.
     

    jamil

    code ho
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Jul 17, 2011
    62,361
    113
    Gtown-ish
    A guy is driving to work on the freeway. He gets pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up and he has his ticket book out. He starts to write the ticket and the guy says I'm sorry, I didnt mean to speed but I'm late for work at the hospital. And you have to let me go. They depend on me. You have to let me go or I'll be late.


    No excuses. Says the cop.


    You dont understand my job is very important.


    Oh really? How so?


    I'm a rectum stretcher.


    A rectum stretcher?


    Yes.


    Sorry, but I still have to give you a ticket. What does a rectum stretcher do?


    Well, they get the patient on the table. Then the get him up on his hands and knees.
    Then I get my fingers in there... after a while I get my whole hand in. Then after a little longer I get both hands in. I work at it a bit and eventially I stretch and stretch and stretch and if I'm on my game I get it stretched out to 6 feet.


    SIX FEET?!?!? What do you do with a six foot a-hole?


    You put him on an overpass with a radar gun.

    Oh. Well, smart ass. I see you have a tail light out. SMASH. Oh, your front turn signal indicator is out too. WHACK. You know, you really can't be driving with a crack in your windshield like that. CRACK. That tail pipe dragging the ground is a big no-no. RIPPP! I'm afraid this vehicle is a safety hazard. Gonna have to impound it. Yer gonna need ta find a ride.
     

    Doug

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    69   0   0
    Sep 5, 2008
    6,630
    149
    Indianapolis
    A State Trooper pulls over a battered pick-up with Kentucky plates.
    The Trooper walks up to the driver's side door and asks, "Got any I.D.?"
    The driver says, " 'Bout whut?"
     

    El Conquistador

    Expert
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    57   0   0
    Jan 28, 2019
    1,200
    129
    far from here
    True story but funny.

    I was pulled over while driving through Rushville, cop walks up tells me my trailer plates are expired. I tell him that I didn't know they were. He says give me your registration and license, he will run my plates maybe I forgot to put my sticker on. After a few minutes he comes back and asks where I am a firefighter at (I have firefighter plates) I tell him Muncie. He says I will only give you a warning for having expired plates on your trailer under one condition. I ask what that one condition is. He says you can never tell anymore cop jokes. I tell him you better write me the ticket because I could never agree to that. He laughs and let me go on my way anyway.
     

    Sigblitz

    Grandmaster
    Trainer Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    9   0   0
    Aug 25, 2018
    14,613
    113
    Indianapolis
    I surprised my wife with a precious German shepherd puppy. It turns out, she is allergic to dogs.

    CRciyey.jpg


    This is Harley. She’s an 8 week-old German Sheppard. I bought Harley as a surprise for my wife but it turns out she is allergic to dogs so we are now looking to find her a new home. She is beautiful, very caring, a great cook, and keeps a good house.
     

    Ruger_Ronin

    Turkey Herder
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    24   0   0
    Aug 22, 2017
    7,918
    113
    Outer Heaven
    I surprised my wife with a precious German shepherd puppy. It turns out, she is allergic to dogs.

    CRciyey.jpg


    This is Harley. She’s an 8 week-old German Sheppard. I bought Harley as a surprise for my wife but it turns out she is allergic to dogs so we are now looking to find her a new home. She is beautiful, very caring, a great cook, and keeps a good house.
    I will pass this on to another INGO member whom recently asked about my GSD pups.
     

    JettaKnight

    Я з Україною
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Oct 13, 2010
    26,750
    113
    Fort Wayne
    I surprised my wife with a precious German shepherd puppy. It turns out, she is allergic to dogs.

    This is Harley. She’s an 8 week-old German Sheppard. I bought Harley as a surprise for my wife but it turns out she is allergic to dogs so we are now looking to find her a new home. She is beautiful, very caring, a great cook, and keeps a good house.
    Whoa, whoa, whoa.

    How did you not know this already?



    Cute dog; if only they'd stay that way.
     
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