INGO: Joke of the day page

[Hatin Since 87]

A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather more support for his Bogus Health Care Plan. Once Obama discovers the cowboy is from President Bush's home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well Sir," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's a$$?"




"No, Sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their President a horse's a$$."

"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."

 

[Mongo59]

An evangelist is having a tent revival and wants to have an altar call but there isn't an altar, so he invites everyone to confess standing at their seats.

He incites the crowd with "Tell it all brother, tell it all."

One man stood up and said, "I swindled my business partner."

The evangelist says, "That's ok because God forgive you! Tell it all brother, tell it all!"

Another stood up and said, "I cheated on my wife."

Again the evangelist says, That's ok because God forgives you! Tell it all brother, tell it all!"

Another stood up and said, "I have had sex with farm animals" to which the evangelist says, "Damn brother, I don't think I would have said that..."

 

[Hardscrable]

 

[Magyars]

What's the definition of Hoosier doggy style sex?
The man sits and begs
The women rolls over and plays dead!

 

[Ballstater98]

Why do teenage girls travel in 3s?

Because they can't even.

 

[d.kaufman]

Why do teenage girls travel in 3s?

Because they can't even.

 

[Drewski]

A man gets pulled over by the police around 3am.
The cop asks him, "Where are you going at this time of night?"
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the unhealthy effects of tobacco."
The cop then asks, "Really? Who is giving lectures at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."

 

[Drewski]

A woman meets a grizzled army sergeant in a bar and their conversation turns to the intimate. She asks him when the last time was that he had made love to a woman. The sergeant replied, "2002, ma'am." The woman in disbelief said, "2002?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman then took him back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the him and said, "Well, that was amazing - you sure haven't forgotten anything since 2002!" The sergeant looked at her, confused, and replied, "I sure hope not, it's only 2230 now."

 

[Drewski]

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of whiskey and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bike, the bottle would break. So I drank all the whiskey before I rode home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bike 7 times on the ride home.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[db308]

And God promised men that
good and obedient wives
would be found in all the
corners of the world.
Then he made the earth
round...& laughed & laughed
& laughed

 

[actaeon277]

*** Advice needed!! ***
The kids keep finding their Christmas presents that I have hidden around the house. Someone suggested that I put them up in the attic, so I did that last night.....
Literally, I had no sleep!

All I could hear was them crying and moaning about spiders, “it’s too dark,” and wanting to be let back down.

Any other suggestions, please??

 

[actaeon277]

 

[daddyusmaximus]

Shout out to Jussie... for hiring black actors to fill traditionally white roles.

 

[Mongo59]

An old trapper went blind. To support his drinking habit he would bet he could tell what kind of pelt and how it was killed just by touching it.

He would sit in the bar and people would see if he was able to do it.

One man brought in a pelt, the blind man rubbed his hand over it and said, "Black bear killed with a .270" and the guy says, "WOW, you are good!"

The guy buys him drinks and he stays comfortably numb.

Another brings in a pelt and he rubs his hand over it and says, "Badger, caught in a number 3 trap." The man was amazed as he didn't know how he could do it and the drinking went on.

Finally, after the drinking was over, he stumbles home and plops down in bed next to his wife. His hand lands in here nether regions and he says, "Skunk, killed with a double bit ax..."

 

[patience0830]

An old trapper went blind. To support his drinking habit he would bet he could tell what kind of pelt and how it was killed just by touching it.

He would sit in the bar and people would see if he was able to do it.

One man brought in a pelt, the blind man rubbed his hand over it and said, "Black bear killed with a .270" and the guy says, "WOW, you are good!"

The guy buys him drinks and he stays comfortably numb.

Another brings in a pelt and he rubs his hand over it and says, "Badger, caught in a number 3 trap." The man was amazed as he didn't know how he could do it and the drinking went on.

Finally, after the drinking was over, he stumbles home and plops down in bed next to his wife. His hand lands in here nether regions and he says, "Skunk, killed with a double bit ax..."

Then there's the one about the blind carpenter who identified wood by smell.

Punchline was "Outhouse door off a tuna boat!"

 

[flyingsquirrel]

The 3 Stages of Sex. Tri-weekly......Try weekly.....Try weakly

 

[Nazgul]

3 stages of sex during pregnancy. 1st is missionary, 2nd is doggy style, 3 rd is Coyote style....that is where you sit next to the hole and howl....

Don

 

[Magyars]

Well seeing as we're on the threes stages of sex....
How about three stages of sex in a marriage.
First. Whole house sex: you make love all over the house, tables. Steps, floor. Etc.
Second. bedroom sex: after you've been together for a few years you make love in the bedroom, on the bed.
Third. Hallway sex: after a few more years you pass each other in the hallway and say EF you!