INGO: Joke of the day page

[MCgrease08]

There is something incredibly creepy about watching two 16 year-old girls taking bikini photos of each other at the pool for hours on end.















At least that's what they keep telling me.

 

[daddyusmaximus]

There is something incredibly creepy about watching two 16 year-old girls taking bikini photos of each other at the pool for hours on end.

















At least that's what they keep telling me.

Now that I'm an old man, I agree... (glance more carefully)




30 years ago, I'd have to just openly stare... I seems to remember getting off work, and going straight to work out at the gym. Had to do those curls for the girls...

 

[sharkey]

Mustangs are like hemorrhoids.




Sooner or later, every ******* gets one.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[BigRed]

The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

 

[spencer rifle]

Some of the best bumper stickers:
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her... or something like that
So many cats. So few recipes
I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time
Give me ambiguity or give me something else

 

[daddyusmaximus]

Liberal idiot #1: How can we stop people from pooping on the sidewalk?

Liberal idiot #2: Let's try banning straws.

 

[ArcadiaGP]

Hey girl, are you a newspaper?



Because there's a new issue with you every ****ing day.

 

[patience0830]

Hey girl, are you a newspaper?



Because there's a new issue with you every ****ing day.

Dat's no JOKE!

 

[Ballstater98]

I tried to 3D print a 1911 today.


My printer jammed.

 

[ArcadiaGP]

I tried to 3D print a 1911 today.


My printer jammed.

 

[Cameramonkey]

I tried to 3D print a 1911 today.


My printer jammed.

 

[daddyusmaximus]

Dan, to his boss: "I now identify as a woman. From now on you must call me Danielle, and I'll be using the ladies room. I expect no hassles from my co-workers about my decisions on my lifestyle."

Boss to Danielle: I applaud you on your courage and bravery, to come forward publicly with your lifestyle choice. Going forward you will receive a 23% pay cut to account for your new gender status. As everyone knows, women in this country make 77 cents on the dollar across the board. Based on this well known, and substantiated fact economic fact, I'm compelled to offer you the 23% reduction effective immediately. Rules are rules."






"Hey sweetie, on your way out, get me a cup of coffee."

 

[jamil]

You have to admit, it was clever. And funny.

 

[ArcadiaGP]

If I had a dollar for every gender, I'd have two dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.

 

[rhino]

I tried to 3D print a 1911 today.


My printer jammed.

 

[daddyusmaximus]

God Loves Drunks Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a
loud pounding on the door.


The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.



"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"



He slams the door and returns to bed.



"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.


"Did you help him?" she asks.



"No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s bloody pouring rain out there!"



"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down,
and those two guys helped us?



I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
“God loves drunk people too you know.”



The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.



He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"



"Yes," comes back the answer.



"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.




"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.



"Where are you?" asks the husband.





"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..

 

[Ballstater98]

The cops just came to my house saying my dog just chased someone on a bike. I said that's bull, my dog doesn't own a bike.

 

[ArcadiaGP]

What does a diabetic neckbeard need to survive?



Incelin.

 

[chocktaw2]

Husband was passing thru the kitchen and saw his new wife bent over the dishwasher loading it. As she was wearing a short summer dress, he just flipped it up, and went to town. She hollered "not now", I'm loading the dishwasher! He said "hold still, I'm try to load it too!"