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Be sure to read this post! Beware of scammers. https://www.indianagunowners.com/threads/classifieds-new-online-payment-guidelines-rules-paypal-venmo-zelle-etc.511734/
INGO: Joke of the day page
- Thread starter FordMan08
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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. ...
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie.
Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy.
She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.
'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. ...
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie.
Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy.
She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.
'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.
The three men had always done everything together!!!!!
Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.
Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two buttholes.”
“What? He had two buttholes?” asked the mortician.
Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two buttholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two buttholes!”
The three men had always done everything together!!!!!
Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.
Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two buttholes.”
“What? He had two buttholes?” asked the mortician.
Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two buttholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two buttholes!”
Read the hashtags at the bottom
Louisville Metro Police DepartmentLike PageAugust 16 at 8:48 PM ·
Early this morning, our Narcotics unit utilized SWAT to execute a search warrant in the 1600 block of W. Jefferson. As SWAT was making entry, one of the subject...s inside discarded a stolen, loaded, .45 caliber handgun from a 3rd floor bedroom window. Detectives seized 1/2 lb of suspected meth, 73 grams of heroin, several pounds of weed, several hundred xanax, percocets, suboxone pills and other drug paraphernalia. Two were arrested. #LMPD #Narcotics #SWAT #MorningWarrantsBeforeBreakfast
#TheBestPartOfWakingUp #IsFolgersInYourCup #CaughtYaSleepingIn #TipLine #TipDrill #CheeriosAndStolenPews #HotPews #TheHouseWasSurrounded #WeSawYouThrowItDumbDumb #MonsterEnergy #K9 #K9Franklin #K9FranklinFTW #ThatsMethedUpFam #StopSellingDope #WeTookYourPews_BooHoo #UberToJail
#WeGotThatBoomBoomPow #GameOver #ConvictedFelonProbs #ThatLifeAintWorkingOutBruh #WhosNext #FiveSevenFour_LMPD #HMU
Louisville Metro Police DepartmentLike PageAugust 16 at 8:48 PM ·
Early this morning, our Narcotics unit utilized SWAT to execute a search warrant in the 1600 block of W. Jefferson. As SWAT was making entry, one of the subject...s inside discarded a stolen, loaded, .45 caliber handgun from a 3rd floor bedroom window. Detectives seized 1/2 lb of suspected meth, 73 grams of heroin, several pounds of weed, several hundred xanax, percocets, suboxone pills and other drug paraphernalia. Two were arrested. #LMPD #Narcotics #SWAT #MorningWarrantsBeforeBreakfast
#TheBestPartOfWakingUp #IsFolgersInYourCup #CaughtYaSleepingIn #TipLine #TipDrill #CheeriosAndStolenPews #HotPews #TheHouseWasSurrounded #WeSawYouThrowItDumbDumb #MonsterEnergy #K9 #K9Franklin #K9FranklinFTW #ThatsMethedUpFam #StopSellingDope #WeTookYourPews_BooHoo #UberToJail
#WeGotThatBoomBoomPow #GameOver #ConvictedFelonProbs #ThatLifeAintWorkingOutBruh #WhosNext #FiveSevenFour_LMPD #HMU
In Chicago, Illinois early this month there was a huge apartment fire.
A illegal immigrant Hispanic family of 9, all welfare recipients and gang members, lived on the second floor suite. They all died in the fire.
An Islamic group of seven, welfare cheats, also illegally in the country (from Pakistan) lived on the right ground floor suite. They too all perished.
Five Black Lives Matter activists, (3 were ex-cons) lived on the left ground floor. They too, died.
A straight, white, conservative couple lived on the top floor suite. The couple survived the fire.
Various multicultural agencies, and Mayor Rahm Emanuel were furious!!
They went to the scene, and met with the fire chief. On live TV cameras, they loudly demanded to know why 21 Hispanics, Muslims and blacks all died in the fire, and why only the white couple lived.
The Fire Chief calmly said, "The couple who live on the top floor were at work."
A illegal immigrant Hispanic family of 9, all welfare recipients and gang members, lived on the second floor suite. They all died in the fire.
An Islamic group of seven, welfare cheats, also illegally in the country (from Pakistan) lived on the right ground floor suite. They too all perished.
Five Black Lives Matter activists, (3 were ex-cons) lived on the left ground floor. They too, died.
A straight, white, conservative couple lived on the top floor suite. The couple survived the fire.
Various multicultural agencies, and Mayor Rahm Emanuel were furious!!
They went to the scene, and met with the fire chief. On live TV cameras, they loudly demanded to know why 21 Hispanics, Muslims and blacks all died in the fire, and why only the white couple lived.
The Fire Chief calmly said, "The couple who live on the top floor were at work."
Hoosierdood
Grandmaster
Wow that’s bad.
I agree with you.
In all honesty, the joke is easy to get... and let's be honest, we have people here on INGO make the exact same assertions in a serious manner, non-jokingly. Not even a bad thing, just playing on stereotypes.
Lot of jokes are based on stereotypes. Nothing wrong with that. This one just happened to pile them all into one joke.
Lot of jokes are based on stereotypes. Nothing wrong with that. This one just happened to pile them all into one joke.
Joe had been battling headaches for years, but lately they had gotten much worse, so he decided he just had to see a doctor.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches," said the doctor. "The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked, and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, Joe realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store, and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit," and went in.
The elderly tailor eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."
Joe laughed, and said, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
"Let's see, 16-and-a half neck, 34 sleeve," said the tailor.
Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.
As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the tailor said, "You could use new shoes."
Since Joe was on a roll, he said "sure."
The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9-1/2E." Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shoes, and they also fit perfectly. As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "why not."
The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist, and said, "Let's see, size 36."
"Finally, I've got you!" Joe laughed. "I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."
The tailor shook his head. "You shouldn't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear is too small for you. That would force your testicles to press against the base of your spine, and give you one hell of a headache."
"The good news is I can cure your headaches," said the doctor. "The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked, and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, Joe realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store, and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit," and went in.
The elderly tailor eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."
Joe laughed, and said, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
"Let's see, 16-and-a half neck, 34 sleeve," said the tailor.
Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.
As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the tailor said, "You could use new shoes."
Since Joe was on a roll, he said "sure."
The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9-1/2E." Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shoes, and they also fit perfectly. As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "why not."
The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist, and said, "Let's see, size 36."
"Finally, I've got you!" Joe laughed. "I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."
The tailor shook his head. "You shouldn't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear is too small for you. That would force your testicles to press against the base of your spine, and give you one hell of a headache."
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