INGO: Joke of the day page

[sharkey]

You fellas know what 665 represents, right?














The Neighbor of the Beast.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[daddyusmaximus]

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says.

You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses and then tearfully says,


"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”

 

[actaeon277]

 

[rhino]

ARGH! I put this in the wrong topic earlier:


If your bathroom requires the services of an Exorcist after you make a poop, you may wish to reconsider your dietary choices.

 

[actaeon277]

ARGH! I put this in the wrong topic earlier:


If your bathroom requires the services of an Exorcist after you make a poop, you may wish to reconsider your dietary choices.

 

[actaeon277]

Although. . Not far from the truth.

 

[rhino]

Although. . Not far from the truth.

Hah! I had not considered your situation, sir! I was thinking about persistent, malevolent odors!

 

[actaeon277]

Hah! I had not considered your situation, sir! I was thinking about persistent, malevolent odors!

Happy coincidence then?

 

[rhino]

Happy coincidence then?

Hah!

 

[jamil]

Well. Always good to have a happy ending.

 

[Ballstater98]

Whatever you do, stay away from Velcro. It's a total ripoff!

(Haven't seen a run of Dad jokes in a while.)

 

[Doug]

OK, jokes from my granddaughters:

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

Where do cows go on Friday night? To the moooovies.

If 2's a company, and 3's a crowd, what are 4 and 5? 9

 

[Ballstater98]

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

 

[Ballstater98]

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!

 

[daddyusmaximus]

I went camping, and Bigfoot saw me when I was putting up my tent.

I'm worried that when he gets home, nobody will believe him.

 

[Roadie]

Ah, ye olde dad joke.. my personal fave:

A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a beer and a mop.

 

[MCgrease08]

I went camping, and Bigfoot saw me when I was putting up my tent.

I'm worried that when he gets home, nobody will believe him.

[video=youtube_share;uBw6EvIxIS8]http://youtu.be/uBw6EvIxIS8[/video]

 

[daddyusmaximus]

Lol. Crap... timing is everything.

 

[Ballstater98]

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!


What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.