Military BS Stories or the last liar wins.

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  • repeter1977

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    We were coming from Panama back to Camp Lejeune with all our gear in a C130 when the pilot tells us we got 'Bad Fuel' and points out where the life rafts were...

    Then he comes back with wide eyes and asked if any of us knew if a C130 could land on an aircraft carrier...
    (Like a squad of self propelled sandbags would know how to land anything anywhere)

    Needless to say, the discussion of finding our helmets & parachutes came up while trying not to crap our pants!

    So we land just fine, but WAY early, and the air crew is laughing their butts off at us digging though the gear...

    We landed at Key West NAS because of some minor issue, but they decided to scare the crap out of the Marines, and they succeeded!

    If you have a choice, There are LOTS worse places than Key West to spend a week... Like Guantanamo Bay...
    Pretty good job messing with you guys too. Before that flight, I enjoyed flying in the C130, after, I only wanted to fly cargo planes. Other planes with 4 engines lose one and they are almost always crashing. C130, as long as one is still running ,it's good to go.
    My longest flight was a C5 from Germany to D.C. It was longer than my flight to Korea. Granted the C5 was a Medevac flight. Speaking of ,I'm posting another story on that.
     

    repeter1977

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    So, due to medical issues, I was getting medevaced from Germany to the US. All the stretcher cases were front loaded. The rest of us come on later.
    We get in the air and it's meal time, Air Force starts bringing around the sack lunches, everyone on the sides refuse the meals until the stretchers get their food. (Stretchers were mostly those with amputations, but a couple others were burns, or really badly wounded.) The poor Airmen are trying to convince us, they are already eating, they already got food. The rest of the plane refused until one of the doctors assured us that they were already feed.

    Weirdly enough, one of my favorite memories of the military. As many of you and myself as well have been around the world. We know that more often than not. The strong take from the weak. Healthy people will push the injured off of evac helicopters in other countries. But our military, we tend to put others first. Injuries go first. Privates or the low ranking eat first while the senior leadership makes sure they are taken care of. It's funny, now I'm out, how much I miss that little thing.
     

    2A_Tom

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    We were coming from Panama back to Camp Lejeune with all our gear in a C130 when the pilot tells us we got 'Bad Fuel' and points out where the life rafts were...

    Then he comes back with wide eyes and asked if any of us knew if a C130 could land on an aircraft carrier...
    (Like a squad of self propelled sandbags would know how to land anything anywhere)

    Needless to say, the discussion of finding our helmets & parachutes came up while trying not to crap our pants!

    So we land just fine, but WAY early, and the air crew is laughing their butts off at us digging though the gear...

    We landed at Key West NAS because of some minor issue, but they decided to scare the crap out of the Marines, and they succeeded!

    If you have a choice, There are LOTS worse places than Key West to spend a week... Like Guantanamo Bay...

    The swimming off the pier at Gitmo was great. That is all.
     

    Tactically Fat

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    My longest flight was a C5 from Germany to D.C. It was longer than my flight to Korea.

    (Note: I'm not .mil nor never have I ever been)

    A former coworker is Retired USN. I believe his rate at retirement was either BMC or BMCS. That part doesn't matter. Anyhow, one of the stories he used to tell of a LONG flight was the C-130 flight that took him (And others) away from McMurdo Station to Christchurch, NZ. He said that flight was so long that he (and several others) were able to get drunk, sleep it off, and then get drunk again before they landed. He also said that was the last time he got drunk. Good on him for that, I guess. I hope you're well, Chief Dubac.
     

    2A_Tom

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    My longest flight was on the first trans-Atlantic jump into Germany for Reforger '81.

    The Air Force had just received the first batch of stretch C 141's with in flight refueling capability. We were supposed to take off from Pope AFB, NC, refuel over the Atlantic jump over the Hanover area.

    The day before the jump they changer it and we flew to New York and refueled on the ground. We then flew without in flight refueling, for safety purposes.

    We jumped on a beet field, the beats were the size of bowling balls and running off the DZ was tow or three steps and flat on your face all the way off.
     

    actaeon277

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    So, due to medical issues, I was getting medevaced from Germany to the US. All the stretcher cases were front loaded. The rest of us come on later.
    We get in the air and it's meal time, Air Force starts bringing around the sack lunches, everyone on the sides refuse the meals until the stretchers get their food. (Stretchers were mostly those with amputations, but a couple others were burns, or really badly wounded.) The poor Airmen are trying to convince us, they are already eating, they already got food. The rest of the plane refused until one of the doctors assured us that they were already feed.

    Weirdly enough, one of my favorite memories of the military. As many of you and myself as well have been around the world. We know that more often than not. The strong take from the weak. Healthy people will push the injured off of evac helicopters in other countries. But our military, we tend to put others first. Injuries go first. Privates or the low ranking eat first while the senior leadership makes sure they are taken care of. It's funny, now I'm out, how much I miss that little thing.

    :yesway:
     

    Alamo

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    The answer is yes.

    The Navy did it back in the 60’s.

    There’s vid on YouTube.

    That's in the category of: You can do it, but why would you want to." The downside seems awfully high. The AAF launched B-25s off a carrier, but that it was 1942 (AKA The Doolittle Raid.)

    The Navy tested it in 1963 as a possible replacement for their C-1 Trader as a Carrier Onboard Delivery aircraft. They made many successful landings and takeoffs, all without arresting cables and catapults, but decided it was just a little too much, and instead developed the C-2 Greyhound (kind of a variant of the E-2 but with wider body and a ramp...and no radar dome). The C-2 used the same engines as the C-130, just not as many of them. :)

    [video=youtube;ar-poc38C84]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar-poc38C84[/video]
     

    Alamo

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    ...
    ... But our military, we tend to put others first. Injuries go first. Privates or the low ranking eat first while the senior leadership makes sure they are taken care of. It's funny, now I'm out, how much I miss that little thing.

    That reminds me....When I was in NATO the German Luftwaffe had a tradition of the senior officers and senior NCOs serving Christmas meal during the annual unit party, but I am not sure how far that went the rest of the year. During the First Gulf War (Operation Anchor Guard for NATO) the NATO AWACS unit did fly a lot of missions, and the security requirements were considerably enhanced, so a lot of the enlisted guy got the chance to serve on the Augmentation Force. Each element on base that had non-flying enlisted personnel got taskers to supply so many enlisted guys ("other ranks" in NATO-speak) for some period of time, like two weeks. Over and over. The "Augie Doggies" were given some training and a G-3 rifle and stood guard at various posts around the air base while the regular security forces did the patrols and so forth. In other words the Augie Doggies got the least desired, most boring jobs at night and in crappy weather all winter long, and still had to their normal job, like Life Support, Charts & Pubs, COMSEC, and so forth. After Saddam was run out of Kuwait and things calmed down, the NATO Airbase held an Open House, inviting the local communities to come on the base and visit. Because of the huge increase in sorties generated during Anchor Guard we made a lot more noise over the surrounding communities, and NATO tried to make nice afterwards.

    To handle all the civilian traffic that would be coming on base, taskers were distributed to all the squadrons and staff divisions to cough up some enlisted bodies to direct vehicles to the parking areas. I was the deputy chief for one of the Ops Wing staff divisions, with about 20+ enlisted guys, and I was the one that always handed out these things out. Our tasker was for only two bodies, but it kind of annoyed me. Because we had a fairly large pool of enlisted guys compared to a lot of other staff divisions, we got tasked A LOT for Augie Doggie and other special details during Anchor Guard, and I didn't think it was fair that our guys get hit again so soon, even if it was only two.

    So I *****ed about it out loud for awhile to anyone in range and decided I was not going to send it down to the branches for a couple of "volunteers," they had already had enough for awhile. Instead I went down the hall and talked to an American major that was on loan to my division for awhile, and we just put in our names to fill the slots. So the next Saturday there was a US captain and a US major on the backside of the base directing all these German and Dutch civilians to the parking areas.

    My division chief (also an American), the one I was a deputy for, came out while we were working to thank us for taking the task. The military guys from other nations kept coming over and asking us what we did to get in so much trouble that we got put on parking lot attendant duty! :laugh:
     

    HoughMade

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    ...Privates or the low ranking eat first while the senior leadership makes sure they are taken care of. It's funny, now I'm out, how much I miss that little thing.

    It's just good servant-leadership. I recall that too.

    As much as I can in civilian life, I have always tried to employ this, from my kids to my staff.
     

    actaeon277

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    That reminds me....When I was in NATO the German Luftwaffe had a tradition of the senior officers and senior NCOs serving Christmas meal during the annual unit party, but I am not sure how far that went the rest of the year. During the First Gulf War (Operation Anchor Guard for NATO) the NATO AWACS unit did fly a lot of missions, and the security requirements were considerably enhanced, so a lot of the enlisted guy got the chance to serve on the Augmentation Force. Each element on base that had non-flying enlisted personnel got taskers to supply so many enlisted guys ("other ranks" in NATO-speak) for some period of time, like two weeks. Over and over. The "Augie Doggies" were given some training and a G-3 rifle and stood guard at various posts around the air base while the regular security forces did the patrols and so forth. In other words the Augie Doggies got the least desired, most boring jobs at night and in crappy weather all winter long, and still had to their normal job, like Life Support, Charts & Pubs, COMSEC, and so forth. After Saddam was run out of Kuwait and things calmed down, the NATO Airbase held an Open House, inviting the local communities to come on the base and visit. Because of the huge increase in sorties generated during Anchor Guard we made a lot more noise over the surrounding communities, and NATO tried to make nice afterwards.

    To handle all the civilian traffic that would be coming on base, taskers were distributed to all the squadrons and staff divisions to cough up some enlisted bodies to direct vehicles to the parking areas. I was the deputy chief for one of the Ops Wing staff divisions, with about 20+ enlisted guys, and I was the one that always handed out these things out. Our tasker was for only two bodies, but it kind of annoyed me. Because we had a fairly large pool of enlisted guys compared to a lot of other staff divisions, we got tasked A LOT for Augie Doggie and other special details during Anchor Guard, and I didn't think it was fair that our guys get hit again so soon, even if it was only two.

    So I *****ed about it out loud for awhile to anyone in range and decided I was not going to send it down to the branches for a couple of "volunteers," they had already had enough for awhile. Instead I went down the hall and talked to an American major that was on loan to my division for awhile, and we just put in our names to fill the slots. So the next Saturday there was a US captain and a US major on the backside of the base directing all these German and Dutch civilians to the parking areas.

    My division chief (also an American), the one I was a deputy for, came out while we were working to thank us for taking the task. The military guys from other nations kept coming over and asking us what we did to get in so much trouble that we got put on parking lot attendant duty! :laugh:

    :yesway:
    THAT'S being a leader.
     

    repeter1977

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    That reminds me....When I was in NATO the German Luftwaffe had a tradition of the senior officers and senior NCOs serving Christmas meal during the annual unit party, but I am not sure how far that went the rest of the year. During the First Gulf War (Operation Anchor Guard for NATO) the NATO AWACS unit did fly a lot of missions, and the security requirements were considerably enhanced, so a lot of the enlisted guy got the chance to serve on the Augmentation Force. Each element on base that had non-flying enlisted personnel got taskers to supply so many enlisted guys ("other ranks" in NATO-speak) for some period of time, like two weeks. Over and over. The "Augie Doggies" were given some training and a G-3 rifle and stood guard at various posts around the air base while the regular security forces did the patrols and so forth. In other words the Augie Doggies got the least desired, most boring jobs at night and in crappy weather all winter long, and still had to their normal job, like Life Support, Charts & Pubs, COMSEC, and so forth. After Saddam was run out of Kuwait and things calmed down, the NATO Airbase held an Open House, inviting the local communities to come on the base and visit. Because of the huge increase in sorties generated during Anchor Guard we made a lot more noise over the surrounding communities, and NATO tried to make nice afterwards.

    To handle all the civilian traffic that would be coming on base, taskers were distributed to all the squadrons and staff divisions to cough up some enlisted bodies to direct vehicles to the parking areas. I was the deputy chief for one of the Ops Wing staff divisions, with about 20+ enlisted guys, and I was the one that always handed out these things out. Our tasker was for only two bodies, but it kind of annoyed me. Because we had a fairly large pool of enlisted guys compared to a lot of other staff divisions, we got tasked A LOT for Augie Doggie and other special details during Anchor Guard, and I didn't think it was fair that our guys get hit again so soon, even if it was only two.

    So I *****ed about it out loud for awhile to anyone in range and decided I was not going to send it down to the branches for a couple of "volunteers," they had already had enough for awhile. Instead I went down the hall and talked to an American major that was on loan to my division for awhile, and we just put in our names to fill the slots. So the next Saturday there was a US captain and a US major on the backside of the base directing all these German and Dutch civilians to the parking areas.

    My division chief (also an American), the one I was a deputy for, came out while we were working to thank us for taking the task. The military guys from other nations kept coming over and asking us what we did to get in so much trouble that we got put on parking lot attendant duty! :laugh:
    Awesome leadership there.
    I know thanksgiving as well as Christmas, usually the officers served meals too. Granted one actually taking duty would have really boosted morale. Speaking of, here's a awesome Christmas story.
    https://www.stripes.com/blogs-archi...ould-be-with-his-family-1.134995#.XHm5GyVMFDs
     

    Alamo

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    So I am out cleaning storage units this afternoon, and for some reason this remembrance popped into my head. Weird.

    I was Executive Officer for 380th Expeditionary Wing one sunny summer in Abu Dhabi, not so long after 9/11. Co-located or attached to us in some fashion were not one but two US Air Force Red Horse units. Red Horse squadrons are like the Air Forces's Seabees, they have heavy construction equipment, can be armed, and deploy to where the USAF needs to build stuff. In this case it was laying the most concrete poured by Red Horse since the Vietnam war. We were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom, but were also preparing for Operation Iraqi Freedom. Red Horse was creating a lot of ramp space for airplanes on what was already a fair sized UAE air force base.

    They had been going at this full tilt for some months, long days, long months, and were closer to the end than the beginning, but still a lot of work to go. One of their staff sergeants was coming up on the end of his TDY tour and he was ready to go home. He was really ready to go home. And he was really ready to see his wife and engage in some long overdue marital relations. Some very specific, highly physical marital relations. Lots of relations. Or maybe just one, non-stop highly variable relation for about a month. I knew this, as did then entire command staff of the wing, that is to say every squadron commander, group commander, the wing commander, the DO, the IN, the MA, the JA, the Protocol Officer, the Historian (yes, really, we had an Historian on staff), the Chaplains, the CCE (that's me, the exec), my enlisted assistant, and anyone else who happened to be on the COMMAND STAFF email distribution list (no more than about 30 or 40 people I would guess), because when SSgt Red Horse emailed his highly specific and passionate plans to his wife from one of the Red Horse staff computers, using the official email system, he managed to include the COMMAND STAFF distro list as an addressee.

    Nobody ever said a word about it, but it certainly stood out from the usual humdrum of emails in my inbox.
     

    repeter1977

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    So I am out cleaning storage units this afternoon, and for some reason this remembrance popped into my head. Weird.

    I was Executive Officer for 380th Expeditionary Wing one sunny summer in Abu Dhabi, not so long after 9/11. Co-located or attached to us in some fashion were not one but two US Air Force Red Horse units. Red Horse squadrons are like the Air Forces's Seabees, they have heavy construction equipment, can be armed, and deploy to where the USAF needs to build stuff. In this case it was laying the most concrete poured by Red Horse since the Vietnam war. We were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom, but were also preparing for Operation Iraqi Freedom. Red Horse was creating a lot of ramp space for airplanes on what was already a fair sized UAE air force base.

    They had been going at this full tilt for some months, long days, long months, and were closer to the end than the beginning, but still a lot of work to go. One of their staff sergeants was coming up on the end of his TDY tour and he was ready to go home. He was really ready to go home. And he was really ready to see his wife and engage in some long overdue marital relations. Some very specific, highly physical marital relations. Lots of relations. Or maybe just one, non-stop highly variable relation for about a month. I knew this, as did then entire command staff of the wing, that is to say every squadron commander, group commander, the wing commander, the DO, the IN, the MA, the JA, the Protocol Officer, the Historian (yes, really, we had an Historian on staff), the Chaplains, the CCE (that's me, the exec), my enlisted assistant, and anyone else who happened to be on the COMMAND STAFF email distribution list (no more than about 30 or 40 people I would guess), because when SSgt Red Horse emailed his highly specific and passionate plans to his wife from one of the Red Horse staff computers, using the official email system, he managed to include the COMMAND STAFF distro list as an addressee.

    Nobody ever said a word about it, but it certainly stood out from the usual humdrum of emails in my inbox.
    That reminds me of a Lt in Afghanistan that lost his nods and emailed his command in regards to them with an ass chewing for the subordinates. Unfortunately he sent it to the Task Force, including a very amused 3 Star General that wanted to see him.
    At least everyone kept his email on the downlow. Great guys there.
     

    KellyinAvon

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    So I am out cleaning storage units this afternoon, and for some reason this remembrance popped into my head. Weird.

    I was Executive Officer for 380th Expeditionary Wing one sunny summer in Abu Dhabi, not so long after 9/11. Co-located or attached to us in some fashion were not one but two US Air Force Red Horse units. Red Horse squadrons are like the Air Forces's Seabees, they have heavy construction equipment, can be armed, and deploy to where the USAF needs to build stuff. In this case it was laying the most concrete poured by Red Horse since the Vietnam war. We were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom, but were also preparing for Operation Iraqi Freedom. Red Horse was creating a lot of ramp space for airplanes on what was already a fair sized UAE air force base.

    They had been going at this full tilt for some months, long days, long months, and were closer to the end than the beginning, but still a lot of work to go. One of their staff sergeants was coming up on the end of his TDY tour and he was ready to go home. He was really ready to go home. And he was really ready to see his wife and engage in some long overdue marital relations. Some very specific, highly physical marital relations. Lots of relations. Or maybe just one, non-stop highly variable relation for about a month. I knew this, as did then entire command staff of the wing, that is to say every squadron commander, group commander, the wing commander, the DO, the IN, the MA, the JA, the Protocol Officer, the Historian (yes, really, we had an Historian on staff), the Chaplains, the CCE (that's me, the exec), my enlisted assistant, and anyone else who happened to be on the COMMAND STAFF email distribution list (no more than about 30 or 40 people I would guess), because when SSgt Red Horse emailed his highly specific and passionate plans to his wife from one of the Red Horse staff computers, using the official email system, he managed to include the COMMAND STAFF distro list as an addressee.

    Nobody ever said a word about it, but it certainly stood out from the usual humdrum of emails in my inbox.

    Ah yes, Red Horse. Actually RED HORSE (Rapid Engineer Deployable Heavy Operations Squadron Engineer, yes I know they said Engineer twice.) Knowing those guys? It wouldn't have surprised me if he didn't hit reply to all on that e-mail after returning home for an after action report.

    At the Deid in 05 we had a Red Horse Group (a Group is a level of organizational structure, at least two squadrons make a Group.) They were all Reservists. One guy we dubbed the world's oldest Staff Sergeant. Considering he was Red Horse he might've been 27 and had just lived really, REALLY hard.
     

    2A_Tom

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    Email?

    My first tour, the Army decided they could save money by not printing the forms that I used every day. I had to draw them out on on mimeograph stencils and run them off myself. you can usually reuse the stencil several times, but the forms that I used were lots of small grids and I could not get them off the machine in one piece. I had to spend a couple of hours making them every month or so.
     

    actaeon277

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    Well, we didn't have VHS, but we had movies in VHS.
    But....
    The Beta player was sensitive to shocks. It was mounted with shock absorbers.
    But we took some close depth charges one time, and one time a tugboat ram'd us. Knocked it out till it was realligned.
    We actually had a pretty good locker of movies. Unfortunately everyone oted to see the last couple movies we received.
    Every month we turned some in, and got some new ones. The new ones were movies just being released in the theatre.
    The navy had a deal for subs.
    And no one borrowed them because they were in beta
     
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