How to handle a 'creeper' without getting in trouble?

[jeremy]

This type of creepy behaviour is something that child nappers display. How do I handle it without getting charges against me?

Know any Pig Farmers?!

Or someone with an Excavator?!

Would you like to?!

One bar of soap...

One tube sock...

One white sheet.

It's easy to hide behind cars in the parking lot.

Powered Soap and 2 tube socks...

Less bruising and longer beatings...

 

[singlestacksig]

So the owner of this business is officially a dirt-bag, in my opinion. My niece did not work on Wednesday, but when she went back in, she asked the owner if the creeper showed up on Wednesday, & he said Yes. She asked if he told the guy not to come back, and he got defensive with her. He said "He hasn't actualy done anything ileagal, so I cant tell him not to come back, besides, if I do he might retaliate and do something bad, or he might sue me".

Of course all of us know this isn't the case. This creeper comes in almost every week & spends $45, and that's all he really cares about. His big solution was to take her off Wednesdays. This place is Sushi Express in Avon, behind the Arby's. This guy also owns Tegry Bistro in Brownsburg. Never again will this loser get my business, & he will forever get a bad review when anyone brings up either one of his restaurants.

too bad , My wife & I liked to go to Tegry..
this will be considered next time we think about going..

Sometimes you have to remeber to not talk about personal stuff to strangers..
nothing in her job requires her to give out any personal info..

 

[Concerned Citizen]

Yeah, you got that right. Hopefully I have now taught her to know better the next time.

 

[singlestacksig]

if she still works there, tell her to call you next time he comes in.. maybe we could have a flash OC sushi event...

 

[Concerned Citizen]

I'll be in the parking lot Wednesday eve. Since the owner won't say anything to him, I will have to politely let him know that he is being watched.

 

[Doug]

So wait, the guy's a dirtbag for wanting people to spend money at his business?

Unwanted advances are never fun, but they are a fact of life for most women, and even men. Deal.

ABSOLUTELY! Where do people come off with this idea that they have some right to live their lives without being stalked or molested. They all need to toughen up. Do they really think they have the right to live in a civilized society?
Seriously, though, the correct response to intrusive questions is, "Why would you want to know that?"

The guy is a dirtbag for telling me to my face that "Yes, the customers behavior was innapropriate, and yes, he would ban him next time he came in", and then getting defensive with her after he refused to do what he said.

You can go ahead & stick your head in the sand, but when it comes to my family, I'm not going to.

The owner will blow her off, but is intimidated by you.

When you tell him he is being watched, also tell him the police have been notified of his behavior.

 

[Concerned Citizen]

Absolutely right. The conversation will go like this: I know who you are, I have your photo, I have already talked to the police about you, they know who you are and have started a file on you.

Well, no one said I had to be completely honest with this guy

 

[EvilBlackGun]

But, by now ...

... he knows her full name, her vehicle and residence, and may have jimmied her doors and made keys, and needs to be reported and his vehicle searched. He may have bondage equipment already in his trunk. I agree: boss needs to handle it, and with sympathetic LEO witnessing the "confrontation" and able to arrest and make search with PCS in mind in order so search his vehicle. He sounds like a psych case to me. Better safe and legal than sorry and deflowered under awful circumstances. His age has no bearing on the child's safety.

My niece, who is 15 works at a local restaurant as a hostess one day a week. <snip>
He has gone in there at least twice when she wasn't working, and turned around & left without eating.

She has asked me to come in there & do something about him next time he shows up, which will probably be tonight. Her dad has already called the police, but they said "So far, he hasn't done anything, so we can't do anything".

This type of creepy behaviour is something that child nappers display. How do I handle it without getting charges against me?

 

[Doug]

Absolutely right. The conversation will go like this: I know who you are, I have your photo, I have already talked to the police about you, they know who you are and have started a file on you.

Well, no one said I had to be completely honest with this guy

I recommend you take someone with you who is not a relative and who can testify later, if necessary, about exactly what you and he said. My concern is that, while you may be controlled and calm, he may accuse you of threatening him with violence or death. My impression is that these kinds of people tend to be manipulators and, of course, liars.

 

[Tripp11]

I recommend you take someone with you who is not a relative and who can testify later, if necessary, about exactly what you and he said. My concern is that, while you may be controlled and calm, he may accuse you of threatening him with violence or death. My impression is that these kinds of people tend to be manipulators and, of course, liars.

I think, somewhere in this thread, the OP indicated he was going to utilize a pocket recorder if he confronted the stalker.

I also think it's a good idea to have another person watching the scenario play out though. You never know if the stalker will feel threatened by the confrontation and what he might do. Crazy folks...

 

[bwframe]

THE smart move would be to find the young lady another job. Anything else you do will be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Start fresh.

She only works one day a week. How tough can that be?

 

[rdg]

Absolutely right. The conversation will go like this: I know who you are, I have your photo, I have already talked to the police about you, they know who you are and have started a file on you.

Well, no one said I had to be completely honest with this guy

So why not be completely honest and do exactly what you said above? Tell the local LE about this guy, give them a photo so they know who he is and what is going on. Better yet, if you know someone in the local LE have them talk to the guy in the parking lot. I know plenty of LEO's who cannot stand sexual predators (or even potential ones) and I imagine a LEO would plant a seed of fear in this persons mind if they met him in the parking lot, asked to see his ID, jotted down his info and said something to the effect of "Just wanted to let you know that there have been some complaints about the way you interact with the minors in restaurants and that we are keeping an eye on your activities."

 

[Dirtebiker]

I may have missed it in earlier posts, but what personal information did she give him? I remember you saying that he had asked what school she went to and maybe a couple other questions, but I don't recall that you said she had given up any personal info.. Also, iirc, you said that if she's not working he turns and leaves, in which case, of course, would seem suspicious! But you said he came in and spent $45 when she wasn't there! I don't think she is the ONLY reason he goes there!
As far as the owner banning him, what reason does he have to do so? Don't get me wrong, you should be concerned and she needs to be cautious! Although Bump Shadow may not have said it very tactfully, he is correct in stating that women ( especially, attractive women) do and will get comments, questions, stares, etc. from creeps and losers, and believe it or not, even from well meaning, normal people, with no ill intent!
I will just reiterate .....

Sorry, but I think the majority here are getting way ahead of the situation. I'm not saying not to be cautious, but the guy could just be a lonely widower looking for conversation.... And yes, he could also be a real freak! With the limited info. we have, there's no way of knowing.
I'm a father of two beautiful girls, and would defend them to my death! I salute you for your concern for your niece! I'm just saying, get more info. before jumping on the guy with all kinds of accusations and threats!
No harm in hanging out, getting license plate number, and any other info you can. Maybe get seated close by so you can hear the conversation for yourself, then you can better determine if he's up to no good!
IF you decide he's a creep, then great, do what everyone has suggested! Until then, do some investigating, spend some time at the restaurant, check him out.
Maybe strike up a conversation next time he comes in. I don't know about you, but I think I'm a good judge of character. I'm pretty sure I could determine pretty quick whether he's a decent guy or if he's a pervert! Even if you don't figure him out, at least you get an idea who your dealing with.
Don't take me wrong, if the guy deserves a beat down, then go for it! But if he's just a lonely old guy, just being friendly, then let him be!
Good luck, and I hope you get the whole situation figured out soon!

 

[littletommy]

Absolutely right. The conversation will go like this: I know who you are, I have your photo, I have already talked to the police about you, they know who you are and have started a file on you.

Well, no one said I had to be completely honest with this guy

Hopefully creeper dude isn't an INGO member, now he knows your BSing him.

 

[Dirtebiker]

So why not be completely honest and do exactly what you said above? Tell the local LE about this guy, give them a photo so they know who he is and what is going on. Better yet, if you know someone in the local LE have them talk to the guy in the parking lot. I know plenty of LEO's who cannot stand sexual predators (or even potential ones) and I imagine a LEO would plant a seed of fear in this persons mind if they met him in the parking lot, asked to see his ID, jotted down his info and said something to the effect of "Just wanted to let you know that there have been some complaints about the way you interact with the minors in restaurants and that we are keeping an eye on your activities."

How would you handle it if a cop stops you on the way out of a restaurant, ( perhaps one where you may have flirted, or joked around with, or just been nice ( and someone else took your comments as something else) to a waitress or hostess, asks you for your i.d., makes notes, and tells you " we are keeping an eye on your activities"????
I for one, would not give up my i.d.! I would possibly answer a couple questions if he said that a minor was concerned or frightened by my behavior. I guess that would all depend on the way the cop handled the encounter!
If you want to get leo involved, fine, why not do it through the proper channels? Why a personal friend who happens to be a cop?

 

[rdg]

How would you handle it if a cop stops you on the way out of a restaurant, ( perhaps one where you may have flirted, or joked around with, or just been nice ( and someone else took your comments as something else) to a waitress or hostess, asks you for your i.d., makes notes, and tells you " we are keeping an eye on your activities"????
I for one, would not give up my i.d.! I would possibly answer a couple questions if he said that a minor was concerned or frightened by my behavior. I guess that would all depend on the way the cop handled the encounter!
If you want to get leo involved, fine, why not do it through the proper channels? Why a personal friend who happens to be a cop?

You bring up some valid points and I guess I was not clear....I apologize for that. My main point was more why bluff the guy. Follow through if you are serious about this. I know if this were my daughter or niece I WOULD involve the local LEO. The chances this scumbag is simply flirting flew out the door long ago. He is stalking this young lady and needs to be reported. Chances of him following through and actually doing something increase more as time passes and he sees nothing is done to stop him.

Will it keep him from preying on other young ladies? No. Will it make him move on to someone other than the young lady here...probably.

Flirting and being nice to someone is one thing. Continually pursuing someone who is clearly underage is another and this guy needs to be put in his place. It is not my place or the OP's place to do this, but rather the local LE or the owner of the restaurant (who has already indicated that he will be doing nothing).

Again, this is my opinion and how I would react. You may choose to do differently and that is your right.

 

[Hoosier8]

She has made the owner aware, & she told me that even the owner thought his actions were a little creepy.

Keep in mind, this is an oriental restaurant, so there may be a little bit of cultural differences here, where he doesn't see things as I do. But you may be right.

Sooooo.....

Where does she work and when does she get off?

 

[Dirtebiker]

You bring up some valid points and I guess I was not clear....I apologize for that. My main point was more why bluff the guy. Follow through if you are serious about this. I know if this were my daughter or niece I WOULD involve the local LEO. The chances this scumbag is simply flirting flew out the door long ago. He is stalking this young lady and needs to be reported. Chances of him following through and actually doing something increase more as time passes and he sees nothing is done to stop him.

Will it keep him from preying on other young ladies? No. Will it make him move on to someone other than the young lady here...probably.

Flirting and being nice to someone is one thing. Continually pursuing someone who is clearly underage is another and this guy needs to be put in his place. It is not my place or the OP's place to do this, but rather the local LE or the owner of the restaurant (who has already indicated that he will be doing nothing).

Again, this is my opinion and how I would react. You may choose to do differently and that is your right.

I agree with most of what you say! Unless I've missed some of the "evidence", I don't see how this guy is " clearly a stalker" as I think has been said! If it were me, I would hang out at the restaurant , listen to and watch the guy, THEN if I saw or heard something that raises red flags, of course do what is necessary to protect my niece! I just think too many here are ASSUMING this guy is a pervert,and like I said, unless I'm missing something, I don't think the o.p. Has given us enough information to make that call! Obviously the p.d. Agrees or they would be out there doing something!
You are correct about the difference between flirting and being nice vs. Continually pursuing someone! We just don't have enough info. To know which is going on here!
I also agree about not trying to bluff the guy.... If I thought if he was being anything but nice, or had bad intentions, I would make sure I or the police put a stop to it.... Most likely, I would handle it myself and face the consequences! Being kind of short tempered myself, I doubt that I would wait around for the police!

 

[rdg]

I agree with most of what you say! Unless I've missed some of the "evidence", I don't see how this guy is " clearly a stalker" as I think has been said! If it were me, I would hang out at the restaurant , listen to and watch the guy, THEN if I saw or heard something that raises red flags, of course do what is necessary to protect my niece! I just think too many here are ASSUMING this guy is a pervert,and like I said, unless I'm missing something, I don't think the o.p. Has given us enough information to make that call! Obviously the p.d. Agrees or they would be out there doing something!
You are correct about the difference between flirting and being nice vs. Continually pursuing someone! We just don't have enough info. To know which is going on here!
I also agree about not trying to bluff the guy.... If I thought if he was being anything but nice, or had bad intentions, I would make sure I or the police put a stop to it.... Most likely, I would handle it myself and face the consequences! Being kind of short tempered myself, I doubt that I would wait around for the police!

Agree with you on all accounts. This tends to be a subject that I simply have no tolerance for so sometimes my hackles raise just talking about it. That is why I suggest letting someone who is trained to handle this (ie LEO) do so because I would not have the capabilities to restrain myself like they do.

Also, I didn't read through the complete thread so I Assumed that since this person continued to come in and ask for this waitress and at times left if she was not there, he borders on the stalker side vs simply being a flirt. My bad for assuming anything as that is not the correct thing to do.

Appreciate the dialog back and forth and whether it gives others any info or not, it has helped clear things up for me.

Thanks!

 

[Dirtebiker]

Agree with you on all accounts. This tends to be a subject that I simply have no tolerance for so sometimes my hackles raise just talking about it. That is why I suggest letting someone who is trained to handle this (ie LEO) do so because I would not have the capabilities to restrain myself like they do.

Also, I didn't read through the complete thread so I Assumed that since this person continued to come in and ask for this waitress and at times left if she was not there, he borders on the stalker side vs simply being a flirt. My bad for assuming anything as that is not the correct thing to do.

Appreciate the dialog back and forth and whether it gives others any info or not, it has helped clear things up for me.

Thanks!

We are in agreement!
Though I don't think the guy ever "asked" for her.... She was the hostess iirc.