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My Horny New Girlfriend - Spoof
- Thread starter Dead Duck
- Start date
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CathyInBlue
Grandmaster
Because it was funny, not because it was believable.
There's adventurous and then there's suicidal.
You buying or selling?
SkinNFluff
Expert
Max Volume
Master
Gluemanz28
Grandmaster
I'm not happy at all about this 
I just got home from a four day trip and guess what was sitting on my pool cover? That's right the Mallard Hen and Drake. They have crapped all over my pool cover.
I wish they would have stayed at the Birds Away love shack
I just got home from a four day trip and guess what was sitting on my pool cover? That's right the Mallard Hen and Drake. They have crapped all over my pool cover.
I wish they would have stayed at the Birds Away love shack
My girlfriends last year were just OK, at best.
But this year I met this young chick that just took my breath away. Either I'm getting old or she's way too energetic for me.
Spring is definitely in the air cause all she wants to do is neck.
I'm a traditional, old fashioned guy and pretty much set in my ways. Until I met her, excitement in my life was watching drunk old birds stumble out of the local watering hole.
Last Thursday my new GF and I were flying through this neighborhood. Well she spots an open garage door and wants to stop to find a new makeout pad. She said she had been there before but has never been inside. Whatever that means??
I thought she was nuts, I mean I'm into trying new things but this sound like a real bad idea. So I did what every hot blooded male would have done
- I followed her inside.
The second I ducked inside, she threw me against some equipment, we knocked a few things around but she didn't care. She just wanted to get down in the worst way so I was game.
All of the sudden, there was this ugly giant man practically standing over us in the doorway waving some stick around. We must of made way too much noise. I've never scrambled so fast in my entire life to get out of there. The moment we hit the door, we just took off.
The next day I was in a foul mood so I dumped her ass. Left her sitting in the park where she tried to jump me again in front of a whole bunch of picnickers - in broad daylight.
As embarrassing and different as the whole situation was, I kind of miss the excitement she gave me for that short time.
Wish you guys would stay the hell out of my garage!
CountryBoy19
Grandmaster
Meh, the spoof threads used to be funny, then people overdid it (2-5 spoof threads per week) and now I think it's just silly...
hoosierdoc
Freed prisoner
Some are silly, yes. This one had impeccable timing (waited a bit), used a different subforum, posted about ducks using a duck username, and even put "ducked" in it, and I still didn't see it coming.
i now increase my vote to 11/13.
i now increase my vote to 11/13.
It was well written and entertaining. Besides these old guys need something to do. Spoof writing fits the bill.
10/13 for the backhanded compliment.
Dear Duck. I have that same dream a couple of times a week only her name isn't "Spoof."
This, on the other hand, really happened. 2 weeks before I moved out here from the east coast (early 80's), it was a Sunday morn and a knock on the door got me out of bed. I opened the front door to my neighbor lady friend/confident who was in a raincoat. I said what's up. She open the coat to reveal alabaster nakedness. I couldn't disguise my interest. The rest is censored. I would talk to her about the lady I met and was moving to Indiana for. She would give me advice. We flirted, but that was all. She even hosted my going away party. My Hoosier lady was there. Later that day, as we drove away to IN the car broke down on a Jersey interstate, just opposite from the place trench coat lady worked. The dream about 3 ladies in trench coats has yet to come true. And I'm running out of time.......
And this from a real ladies (aging) man friend in So Carolina who seems to get dumped alot w/o explanation and is so perplexed by this that he ponders if someone with his name has a bad rap in a google search. He wrote recently that he's given up on real women and bought a blow up babe he calls 'Bubbles' because of her lips(?). He said by the time he got her inflated, he'd passed out from the effort. When he came to, Bubbles was gone. He looked all over for the air pump, but that was gone as well. Rejected again he mused.....
This, on the other hand, really happened. 2 weeks before I moved out here from the east coast (early 80's), it was a Sunday morn and a knock on the door got me out of bed. I opened the front door to my neighbor lady friend/confident who was in a raincoat. I said what's up. She open the coat to reveal alabaster nakedness. I couldn't disguise my interest. The rest is censored. I would talk to her about the lady I met and was moving to Indiana for. She would give me advice. We flirted, but that was all. She even hosted my going away party. My Hoosier lady was there. Later that day, as we drove away to IN the car broke down on a Jersey interstate, just opposite from the place trench coat lady worked. The dream about 3 ladies in trench coats has yet to come true. And I'm running out of time.......
And this from a real ladies (aging) man friend in So Carolina who seems to get dumped alot w/o explanation and is so perplexed by this that he ponders if someone with his name has a bad rap in a google search. He wrote recently that he's given up on real women and bought a blow up babe he calls 'Bubbles' because of her lips(?). He said by the time he got her inflated, he'd passed out from the effort. When he came to, Bubbles was gone. He looked all over for the air pump, but that was gone as well. Rejected again he mused.....
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