Anyone else choosing to not have kids?

[1775usmarine]

To me the OP sounds selfish. My wife and I have been trying now for 2 yrs when we went to see a doctor a year ago we both found out we had issues and are working to resolve. Makes my wife sad seeing these people who have kids and can't afford them, or those who breed like bunnies. So far I have seen these posts talk about both sides, didn't see anything about anyone like us having difficulty.

 

[Benny]

^???

 

[sadclownwp]

To me the OP sounds selfish. My wife and I have been trying now for 2 yrs when we went to see a doctor a year ago. We both found out we had issues and are working to resolve. My makes my wife sad seeing these people who have kids and can't afford them, or those who breed like bunnies. So far I have seen these posts talk about both sides, didn't see anything about anyone like us having difficulty.

I agree with 1775usmarine about people being selfish, but from the other direction. What about all the people who can't have kids and don't want them, they need partners too. You people who don't have kids and are not married but want kids are selfish. There are people out there who would love to find someone special and never have kids with them.

Imagine all the guns you could buy, the amazing vacations you could have, with the knowledge that by not having kids, you don't have to worry about how to pay for things.

 

[Snapdragon]

To me the OP sounds selfish. My wife and I have been trying now for 2 yrs when we went to see a doctor a year ago. We both found out we had issues and are working to resolve. My makes my wife sad seeing these people who have kids and can't afford them, or those who breed like bunnies. So far I have seen these posts talk about both sides, didn't see anything about anyone like us having difficulty.

1775, I know it's hard when you want kids and can't have them, but that doesn't make people who don't want them selfish. We all want different things.

 

[1775usmarine]

1775, I know it's hard when you want kids and can't have them, but that doesn't make people who don't want them selfish. We all want different things.

It feels like a slap in the face when someone who has a good life and could bring kids into that life don't want kids, and you have the same people on the other end struggling to have kids makes it seem selfish.

 

[JetGirl]

My wife and I have been trying now for 2 yrs when we went to see a doctor a year ago.

Aside from other stuff I'm gonna just speak to that^.
Yeah, some days will be "pregnant day" at the mall or "bring your new baby" to a restaurant day... But don't let that get you down too badly. Took us six years to get MiniJet.

 

[1775usmarine]

^???

Yeah I was thinking and typing and revising but didn't proofread.

 

[Snapdragon]

It feels like a slap in the face when someone who has a good life and could bring kids into that life don't want kids, and you have the same people on the other end struggling to have kids makes it seem selfish.

I get it, and I know it's not fair.

 

[flashpuppy]

To me the OP sounds selfish. My It's dand I have been trying now for 2 yrs when we went to see a doctor a year ago. We both found out we had issues and are working to resolve. My makes my wife sad seeing these people who have kids and can't afford them, or those who breed like bunnies. So far I have seen these posts talk about both sides, didn't see anything about anyone like us having difficulty.

My wife had two miscarriages. One at 13 weeks, one at 16. Christmas Eve three years ago was the first one. My wife has some cysts on her ovaries. The Dr's believe surgery may be able to fix the issue, but no guarantees. There is some serious potential for unintended damage and consequences of the procedure though.

It's unimaginable to me that you could classify my wife and I's decisions as selfish from two posts on an internet forum.

 

[churchmouse]

My wife had two miscarriages. One at 13 weeks, one at 16. Christmas Eve three years ago was the first one. My wife has some cysts on her ovaries. The Dr's believe surgery may be able to fix the issue, but no guarantees. There is some serious potential for unintended damage and consequences of the procedure though.

It's unimaginable to me that you could classify my wife and I's decisions as selfish from two posts on an internet forum.

This can be an emotionally charged discussion for so many reasons. Folks living to have a family and can not....folks who have kids and find they are short on the skill sets required for the job.....on and on.
Unless we know what the situation is up front no assumptions should be made.

 

[Benny]

It feels like a slap in the face when someone who has a good life and could bring kids into that life don't want kids, and you have the same people on the other end struggling to have kids makes it seem selfish.

I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this logic. I'm sorry you can't have kids. It's tragic that you want to be loving parents and are unable to, but calling someone selfish for being able to have something you can't, but choose not to just makes you look bitter and jealous. It doesn't make them look selfish.

There are plenty of babies and kids that need homes. Should I call you selfish for wanting your own and not one of the ones in need?

 

[sadclownwp]

I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this logic. I'm sorry you can't have kids. It's tragic that you want to be loving parents and are unable to, but calling someone selfish for being able to have something you can't, but choose not to just makes you look bitter and jealous. It doesn't make them look selfish.

There are plenty of babies and kids that need homes. Should I call you selfish for wanting your own and not one of the ones in need?

I agree, that does sound a bit selfish, there are plenty of kids with no parents being even more burdensome to tax payers than ones we all have to pay to educate. Financially it would make sense to save us all at least a little money and if you want kids adopting one of the unwanted children. You would save tons on hospital bills.

 

[mdmayo]

Selfishness isn't a bad thing. In fact, it is often a healthy form of self preservation.

Self-centeredness on the other hand, is pure evil.

 

[hornadylnl]

It feels like a slap in the face when someone who has a good life and could bring kids into that life don't want kids, and you have the same people on the other end struggling to have kids makes it seem selfish.

While your situation sucks, posters on an Internet forum bear no responsibility or deserve blame for it.

What your saying is that since I'm short and if I watch an nba game, they're jerks for being tall.

 

[mdmayo]

... the "other side" isn't stopping... they are breeding more welfare leeches every day... "I'm breeding conservatives one at a time"...

Thankfully, indoctrination doesn't hold really well for either of the two groups you so ignorantly stereotype. Kids will find their own ways and have their own thoughts, beliefs and ideals. Often enough they are markedly different, and sometime even better than the ones with which they were raised.

 

[KLB]

I think my stepdaughter had four miscarriages before she finally gave birth to a healthy child. Now I have three grandchildren.

Good luck to those that want to have children and are having issues. Perseverance will hopefully pay off for you in the end.

 

[sadclownwp]

While your situation sucks, posters on an Internet forum bear no responsibility or deserve blame for it.

What your saying is that since I'm short and if I watch an nba game, they're jerks for being tall.

Someone rep this man, I can't rep him again.

 

[flashpuppy]

Someone rep this man, I can't rep him again.

Already done.

 

[churchmouse]

Someone rep this man, I can't rep him again.

I would but then he would think I like/agree with him....

 

[bradmedic04]

Someone rep this man, I can't rep him again.

Also got him.

I think just labeling people as selfish for deciding one way or another is a rather absurd notion. Like sadclown says, sometimes you find a partner in life who doesn't want kids. That's a great match. My wife and I didn't want kids when we meet. 5 years later, we did, and felt like we had the means to bring them into a happy home and life. It enriched us, but I don't think we were selfish for not wanting them before that.

However, if we didn't have the means to take care of children, but decided to anyway, that would have been selfish and unfair to both our children and to people forced to foot the bills.

We also recently experienced a miscarriage, so I can empathize with folks who have lost pregnancies or had trouble conceiving. A wanted pregnancy lost, or a wanted pregnancy unfulfilled, is truly heartbreaking.

So I'm rambling a bit to say....having kids and being responsible for them is awesome. If you can't afford it, maybe consider getting finances in order first. If you don't want kids, don't have them; it would be unfair to bring a child into that. For me, fatherhood is my biggest reward, but YMMV, and it's not my place to say others should or shouldn't have kids.

To each his/her own.