What would you do?

[spec4]

We need to know more. How was this done? Where did the money go?

 

[Gluemanz28]

As does mine. Except...

Well there is that [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Tahoma, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif][/FONT]

 

[longbow]

We need to know more. How was this done? Where did the money go?

Paid off cars, student loans for kids, new furniture, painted the whole interior of the house ,new deck, new screened porch, cruise big tv and new sound system for the whole house and everyday living expenses.

That should cover it

 

[spec4]

Paid off cars, student loans for kids, new furniture, painted the whole interior of the house ,new deck, new screened porch, cruise big tv and new sound system for the whole house and everyday living expenses.

That should cover it

So the spouse would certainly know of these expenditures. Would they not be questioned? Just trying to get a handle on this.

 

[mom45]

So the spouse would certainly know of these expenditures. Would they not be questioned? Just trying to get a handle on this.

I agree. It's not like these were hidden items. These are items that cost money and the spouse should have questioned where it came from if their paychecks/savings would not have supported doing these things. I can see where things being paid off (especially student loans for the kids) could be done without the spouse knowing, but the other items would be rather obvious and where the funds came from may have been questionable.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

My wife is aware of everything I do. Money spent/saved/plans for money. All of it. She does the same with me.
BBI.....you and I both would know if there was an addiction as in drugs/gambling etc. Even a spending addiction.
If you are living with someone and this goes on right under your nose there is something missing. JMHO

Probably, but its always easier to see when your an outsider. We all have comfortable lies we want to believe, and sometimes the mental gymnastics we can do to stay in blissful ignorance are pretty incredible when viewed by the dispassionate outsider.

 

[GLOCKMAN23C]

Probably, but its always easier to see when your an outsider. We all have comfortable lies we want to believe, and sometimes the mental gymnastics we can do to stay in blissful ignorance are pretty incredible when viewed by the dispassionate outsider.

This is true, I've been in a similar situation, but nowhere near this amount of money. Long story, short version: My wife was let go, "borrowed" money from my mother to get a professional license, blew the money and made no attempt to repay.

I was busy working, while she paid the bills, sent the kid to daycare, and slept on the couch all day. I never saw the money go into or come out of our account, guess what, she had her own account. It's easy to overlook things when life gets in the way. I didn't get a new deck, or go on a cruise. I knew nothing of it until my mom's husband told me about it, several years after the fact.

I'm not sure what I would do, I know I was, still am pissed over my situation. Very easily could see the big "D" over that kind of money.

 

[CountryBoy19]

I think there are some critical details missing here.

Were the in-laws willing parties or was the money stolen from the in-laws?

"Took" is an ambiguous word.

If your in-laws came to you and said, "build a new deck, this one isn't safe for the kids", and they wanted to pay for it as a gift, is it wrong to take the money? Absolutely not
So then the question must be answered, would be wrong to not tell you spouse about such a thing? What if the in-laws really wanted the source of the gift to remain private because, for whatever reason, such an act could change the spouse's view/thoughts of them? Is it wrong to hide such a thing?

That being said, if "took" in this case was stole, borrowed without intent to repay, borrowed without means to repay, etc then yes, this is messed up.


FWIW, I've "took" a lot of money from my parents. It was all in the form of gifts, loans, etc. Yes, my spouse knew about it, but there are matters involving my parents that I do NOT share with my spouse simply for the fact that they are my parent's matters and have nothing to do with her.

 

[longbow]

I think there are some critical details missing here.

Were the in-laws willing parties or was the money stolen from the in-laws?

"Took" is an ambiguous word.

If your in-laws came to you and said, "build a new deck, this one isn't safe for the kids", and they wanted to pay for it as a gift, is it wrong to take the money? Absolutely not
So then the question must be answered, would be wrong to not tell you spouse about such a thing? What if the in-laws really wanted the source of the gift to remain private because, for whatever reason, such an act could change the spouse's view/thoughts of them? Is it wrong to hide such a thing?

That being said, if "took" in this case was stole, borrowed without intent to repay, borrowed without means to repay, etc then yes, this is messed up.


FWIW, I've "took" a lot of money from my parents. It was all in the form of gifts, loans, etc. Yes, my spouse knew about it, but there are matters involving my parents that I do NOT share with my spouse simply for the fact that they are my parent's matters and have nothing to do with her.

. Extended family member had power of attorney and abused it. We stopped it and have started the recovery process.

 

[1911ly]

I know of 2 people that did this with there parents/grandparents money. Both basically got away with it. Made me sick!! If my spouse knowingly did it I would be gone. and the authority's notified.

My wife and I had our "own" money and they we had "our combined" money. It worked for us. Neither of us spent the "our money" without an agreement. And yes we loaned each other money. It was a great situation for us anyway. To each his own.

 

[CountryBoy19]

. Extended family member had power of attorney and abused it. We stopped it and have started the recovery process.

Ah, ok. Yeah, that's definitely a problem then...