WHAT WOULD YOU DO?????? HELP

[redbeard28]

so my girlfriend of seven years told me that she would leave and take my son away if i buy a gun. She is worried that our son will be to fascinated with it and may hurt himself or others with it, or the fact that i have an anger issue would lead me to hurting someone over something stupid. . . while i admit i do have an anger problem i am still an adult and realize the value of a human life our son just turned 4, not like i would keep it out in the open loaded where he can just play with it whenever he felt like it. . . .he would never see it ever, let alone ever touch it she wants me to wait until he is older, he is really big into his toy guns right now. . . .while she does have some good points i think she is making a BIG deal out of this she said she was going to take my son to Florida where i could never find them i am ready to tell her to pound sand and i will see in court . . . . .what would you do ?? sorry for the long rant and even longer sentences grammar nvr been my strong point

 

[gunman41mag]

so my girlfriend of seven years told me that she would leave and take my son away if i buy a gun. She is worried that our son will be to fascinated with it and may hurt himself or others with it, or the fact that i have an anger issue would lead me to hurting someone over something stupid. . . while i admit i do have an anger problem i am still an adult and realize the value of a human life our son just turned 4, not like i would keep it out in the open loaded where he can just play with it whenever he felt like it. . . .he would never see it ever, let alone ever touch it she wants me to wait until he is older, he is really big into his toy guns right now. . . .while she does have some good points i think she is making a BIG deal out of this she said she was going to take my son to Florida where i could never find them i am ready to tell her to pound sand and i will see in court . . . . .what would you do ?? sorry for the long rant and even longer sentences grammar nvr been my strong point

You need to speak with your girlfriend & work this out like adults, Hopefully one of you gives in

 

[redbeard28]

i feel like she is over reacting while i understand i feel like she thinks as soon as a gun enters this household our son will die. . . . . when i am trying to protect my family

 

[gunman41mag]

i feel like she is over reacting while i understand i feel like she thinks as soon as a gun enters this household our son will die. . . . . when i am trying to protect my family

You have to explain to her that MILLIONS of homes have KIDS & GUNS. SAFETY is the key for both to be under the same roof

 

[furbymac]

I think there are deeper issues hear than just a gun. Sound like you are both just looking for a reason to get out of dodge.

 

[geronimojoe85]

I think there are deeper issues hear than just a gun. Sound like you are both just looking for a reason to get out of dodge.

Oddly enough. ^^^ this is what my gut says too.

 

[ralphb72]

Is the Boy just yours or yours and hers together? The way that you word these things makes it difficult to tell.

 

[sepe]

I think there are deeper issues hear than just a gun. Sound like you are both just looking for a reason to get out of dodge.

Thats what it seems like here. She'd leave over a gun and he is wanting a gun so bad he is thinking about saying take the kid and kick rocks...see you in court. Seems like they're together for 1 reason.

 

[redbeard28]

i am sorry the boy is ours. i really don't want to leave her or for her to leave me she said if i was going to buy a gun she was going to leave, , , then she said that even if we split up she cant stand the thought of HER(our) son being in a house w a gun so she was going to move down to Florida w some family and try to stop me from seeing my son at all cost which i think is pretty petty

 

[BlueEagle]

It is pretty petty, but at this point, you have to weigh your options. IMHO, work out whatever underlying issues are going on with the wifey before you go buy a new gun. If she's willing to run off and take your child away from you merely because you purchased a gun, there is something else going on here.

 

[redbeard28]

i will try and talk to her when she gets back thank you all for the help i really appreciate it honestly

 

[Rayne]

redbeard28, there is a lot of good information to help you show your girfriend how other's have raised their children without incidence with guns in the house. There is a poll right now about how people store their guns with small children. The way you suggest will make your gun mysterious to your son and will encourage him to check it out when Daddy is not looking.

There is also excellent information on the women's forum here that would help her. Many guys on here including one of the Mod's will tell you that their wives weren't supportive of them having guns. There is a thread on here about spousal support too, try to find it and read it. It should help you. If I can find both the threads I'm talking about I'll post up their links, or someone else, post them for me and help this guy out.

You are talking about your son's Mother and I hope you will respect her enough to try and understand her point of view, calmly and articulately express your's as well and both of you have an intelligent conversation on this issue and your relationship as a whole.

Good Luck to you both. I'm going to stick my neck out here and probably get slammed for it, but your son needs both his parents more than he needs his Daddy to have a gun and not be part of his life. There are a lot of other things you can do to protect your family and keep it a family.

 

[Rayne]

https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...pousal_support_or_not_of_concealed_carry.html

Here is the link to the spousal support link. Talks a lot about what you are going through.

 

[Rayne]

https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo.../144119-guns_in_the_house_and_young_kids.html

Here is the link to the thread about having firearms in the house with young children and how people store them.

Both this threads will have a lot of usefully insight in them. Hope they help.

 

[Beau]

Four is the perfect age to introduce a child to firearms. That is the age I started teaching my children.

I also think that there are other issues if she is getting this upset over a firearm. Then again I've never met a true hoplophobe. Hear fear of guns could really be that great. If that is the case your battle is going to be a long and slow one. Just don't be to quick to push the issue with her and please don't give her an ultimatum. I would hate to see you make a decision you would regret later.

 

[Whosyer]

i am sorry the boy is ours. i really don't want to leave her or for her to leave me she said if i was going to buy a gun she was going to leave, , , then she said that even if we split up she cant stand the thought of HER(our) son being in a house w a gun so she was going to move down to Florida w some family and try to stop me from seeing my son at all cost which i think is pretty petty

Petty? I personally think that kind of threat from a parent, mother or father, is about the lowest possible thing someone can do. If I were you , and this is just me, I would tell her that I thought about it , and she was right. I'd tell her that there was no way I was going to jeopardize my relationship with my child, over her fear of a firearm. (irrational as it may be) I'd tell her that all my thoughts of buying a firearm were completely gone. Then I would quietly go seek the advice of a parental rights attorney, work on getting my custodial rights validated by a court , and kick her irrational/hateful/petty lil butt to the curb. But hey , that's just me.

 

[BlueEagle]

I do like Whosyer's idea, but that would have some SEVERE penalties for you child. Evaluate your priorities, and see which parts of your life need a little "spring cleaning."

 

[Brian S.]

I couldn't stomach my wife being that irrational. It's bordering on evil, even if she doesn't mean it.

If this happened to me like…15 years ago when I was younger, dumber and had a different view on life and morality I would have probably just sucked it up. Now that I am a little older and we have been together for…23 years I would not hesitate to tell her to *&#% off (so to speak). I would Try to reason with her, explain why she is wrong as peacefully as I could and get one anyway. The I would seriously have to contemplate whether I want to stay with someone like that.

If she left, bye bye.

 

[pute62]

I don't know you or walk in your shoes and this is just my opinion, not me judging. If you admit that you have anger issues (and who doesn't at some point) then maybe thats why your girlfriend is worried about having a gun in the house. I had problems with anger in my past and even though I would never pull a gun on anyone without cause, my family still worried about me having a gun. My wife was never afraid I would harm her or my kids but someone else when angry. So basically she was just looking out for me because I was a "hothead". I finally realized that the only way to get past it was to get help for it. I can't say I'm a model citizen but anger management really helped in many ways. If your girlfriend says just wait till your son is older then I don't see a problem with that. If you've gone this long without a gun then whats the big hurry to have one now. I myself would try to save my relationship with someone I love rather than to blow it all for something that didn't love me back. Relationships are always give and take but to be the better person it's better the give more and take less. Believe me,I'm no Dr. Phil but I have learned some things over the years and one is that lawyers are not the people you want to settle this.

 

[INyooper]

You are talking about your son's Mother and I hope you will respect her enough to try and understand her point of view, calmly and articulately express your's as well and both of you have an intelligent conversation on this issue and your relationship as a whole.

Good Luck to you both. I'm going to stick my neck out here and probably get slammed for it, but your son needs both his parents more than he needs his Daddy to have a gun and not be part of his life. There are a lot of other things you can do to protect your family and keep it a family.

No slamming here.

First, you're girlfriend likely has some emotional fears about guns. Respect that. Mind you, I didn't say agree with it, but respect where she is with the issue now. Also, realize she didn't form her opinions about firearms in the last five minutes; she's probably not going to change them in five minutes either. The fact that she "pulled out the big guns" (yeah, the pun was intentional) right away leads me to believe that there's something equally as big fueling her beliefs.

You need to talk with her (during a non-emotional time) about her fears. Again, this ain't gonna be a five-minute conversation (though, it'd be cool if it happened that fast). If it were me, I might even present the issue like: "Honey (whatever special little name you have ), I know you don't want me to get a gun, and I know what you said you'd do if ever I did. I'm just wondering where such a strong opinion and feelings came from." You can even let her know that if she didn't want to talk about it then and there she didn't have to ...but that you're still interested in understanding her (hopefully, you are; I mean, after all, you've spent seven years and a child together! ).

It's going to be a slower process than you might like but, along with all the other positive and constructive advice others have offered, this is, likewise, a way of building communication, understanding, and trust about an issue that is, clearly, important to both of you.

One note to keep in mind ...do not have logical discussions when you feel others are emotionally charged and/or irrational. This goes along with not making major purchases when highly emotional (either elated or depressed) as well as such things as trying to speak logically to someone who is intoxicated (yeah, ask me how I know ). Issues around firearms are often chock-full of emotion, on both sides. Yet, there are valid, logical, points to be made as well. The difficulty (or, "challenge," if you'd like to look at it that way), is to understand when the other person is feeding off of emotions. That's the time to stop discussion about firearms and dig deeper into understanding where their fears are coming from. Even then, don't use logic to counter their fears just yet. The cheesy little saying "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care" is true here as well. Let it work for you, not against.

...then again, you could just hit her over the head with a club and drag her by the hair to your way of thinking. Yeah, let me know how that works for ya... (there's my Dr. Phil impression )

Let us know how things progress ...this will take some time, I'm sure.