That is a good post right there.Dockem, I'm the fng here, but you're topic brings to mind one of my biggest concerns with beginning shooters. "Son in law wants my daughter to have a handgun". My question is: what makes your son in law think that your daughter wants, needs, or will use a firearm in a deadly force encounter? If not, she may be better off learning to swing a 30 oz Louisville Slugger.
The rest of your post indicates that your daughter may be interested in self defense, and it sounds like you are taking the right course of action by allowing her to fire different kinds of guns, and determining what is right for her.
Having been a firearms instructor for 25 years, and having conducted several "beginner" type self defense classes, I am somewhat amazed by the number of ladies I have seen show up at class with firearms that have been chosen for them by their husbands, dads, gun shop commandos, or gun shop salespeople that have no experience of knowledge of what is best for that particular person. These well intentioned people usually recommend a "little" gun for a female. On at least 3 occassions I seen ladies struggle with these "little" guns that were totally unreliable, manual of arms were difficult, sights sucked, and triggers were difficult to manage. In all three cases, I have given these ladies a G-22 and they have sailed through the rest of the day, all saying that they were going to replace their current guns (Taurus 22, Ruger 22, Keltec 32) with a Glock of some model.
Since we are men we rightfully feel that we should protect our children, and we know that all men are experts in firearms. I think if you provide your daughter with the ability to shoot different guns, and let her muddle through this whole gun/self defense topic (like we all did when we were beginners) I believe you will find out that she can make a pretty darned good decision on her own.
Sounds like you are on the right track.