My neighbor is abusing his wife

[Knife Lady]

Are you the Bowling Ball Lady now?
I thought you would suggest at least a knife.

I agree with Benny, murder would not be the best option for that lady.
And will all know that those women never press charges against the ******* who hits them.

Sorry I forgot about using purple. Not true some do press charges. Not all but some do.

 

[Kitty]

I'm jumping in late and can't type well right now (another story/another day).

I've been in this situation. REPORT HIM - PLEASE. From experience, sometimes a woman stay because they are convinced "no one will believe me". That sounds stupid, I know. I might not be very big, but I've always had a rep for being kind of "tough". So when my ex would start, he had me convinced that no one would believe me. It took a doctor (that I was working for) to convince me. I could have gotten out sooner, but he had me convinced that I would loose everything - including my son. One person "knowing and believing" what is happening can make all the difference.

Also, you stated that she is in her 60's. She may be in that generational mindset that it is the wife's fault. If the cops get involved she may talk to someone, and learn that it is not her fault. It is ok to leave.

 

[7th Stepper]

I'm jumping in late and can't type well right now (another story/another day).

I've been in this situation. REPORT HIM - PLEASE. From experience, sometimes a woman stay because they are convinced "no one will believe me". That sounds stupid, I know. I might not be very big, but I've always had a rep for being kind of "tough". So when my ex would start, he had me convinced that no one would believe me. It took a doctor (that I was working for) to convince me. I could have gotten out sooner, but he had me convinced that I would loose everything - including my son. One person "knowing and believing" what is happening can make all the difference.

Also, you stated that she is in her 60's. She may be in that generational mindset that it is the wife's fault. If the cops get involved she may talk to someone, and learn that it is not her fault. It is ok to leave.

YOU GO GIRL! Sounds like you went for a drag today and caught the wrong end of the leash! OUCH! Been there done that too, but mine was about 900 lbs heavier, with much less fur!!

Thanks for the prayers, they were answered in the most wonderful way! And I hope mine in return for you will be answered in the same way as well! We got there about 9ish, and the Dr was running a bit fast, so it all worked out well, and we were both beat from the stress of knowing what was coming, and knowing that it could have been prevented! Maybe this time I can find an adept attorney (possibly on here?) who would be able to make the toad pay for what went wrong! It'd be nice for a change for the shoe to be on the other foot, so to speak.

We dozed off in one of the classiest hospitals I've ever been in, talk about PLUSH?! This place has them all backed off the map! We were escorted by the Concierge (really, that's what her name tag said) to our room, and the bed was like none other I've ever seen. It was state of the art, it was about 4 inch deep memory foam, the head went up and down, and so did the knees, so you didn't feel like you were sliding off one end, and it came complete with sheets, covers and a gown! They got me registered, got me a new bracelet (actually 2) to wear, a cute little hat and some booties, and then we waited for the "man of the hour" to arrive! It was hilarious when he did, cuz I guess he knocked, but neither of us heard him, we were to busy snoring! They had dimmed the lights, and ours were out! When the nurse told us what to do and where to mark, Bill got creative and put some little quips so that we wouldn't be the only ones amused by "the tired sillies".

He had to write YES on one foot, (and added a smiley face) and another YES on my hip where the shot was to go so he put a target on it. And just for giggles, he put (while the nurse was out of the room but we still had the pen) "See other side" on my other leg, so there was no way they could miss it. We almost reduced the operating room to tears by the time we were thru. And true to form, I was loopy as all get out, and telling some REALLY bad, raunchy, but hilariously funny, dirty jokes! My gas passer was almost in tears, he was so young that he'd never heard some of them before! He had a hard time trying to stop laughing!

They had already sunk an IV in, with a little lidocaine stick first to numb the spot (and for once, a nurse got it on the very FIRST stick!), put a small mask over my mouth and nose (which I guessed was the knock out gas, (it was just o2) and then I felt the real stuff hit my vein on my R wrist. WHY? Why does everyone have to pick on my right side? I was really out like a light at that point, I think it took about 3 seconds, and I don't remember a thing until I woke up in the recovery room. It was really nice too, with real drapes, even looked like it had been done by an interior decorator, with my own personal nurse hovering over me, making sure I was still breathing. As soon as I came more too, they wheeled me back to our 1st room, where Bill was waiting for me, and removed all the bags and baggies, and let me rest until I was past the time where I stood the chance of passing out from any side effects of the meds.

We drove home, and poor Bill went straight to bed. We started at about 7am this morning, and got back to the house about 6pm in the evening. That made for a lllooonnnggg day. I'm just getting ready for bed now, and we still haven't figured out how we're going to rearrange things so that I can really keep the weight off my foot this time, cuz I can't afford to stress out the screws they put in, and I'm in a "soft splint", not a plaster cast like we'd expected. Oh, and they did a nerve block in the OR, which really helped until about an hour ago when it fully wore off.

So all in all, it was a good day, long, tiring, a bit of mending and stitching, but it'll all work out for the best in the end.

I hope your Dr was as nice (and cute! ) as mine is, and that they can fix all your parts like they did mine, but with less fuss and muss. I fully understand how beat up you feel, "...The Great" manages to clobber me from time to time, altho never on the cement,.....yet. If you haven't already gone to bed, go soak in a good hot tub, even if it's only a bath tub, and just soak for about an hour or so, you'll be less sore by tomorrow, we always used that if we'd ridden hard at work that day.

And I agree, it doesn't sound like he has "issues", he just needs a bit of a bigger place to roam around in, like maybe a BIG DOG run? Or maybe you could just take him out to the yard (if they have one, ours here in town does) and lunge him for a while, to tire him out a bit. I'll bet he's just a big baby, and gentle as a lamb. And if he's not, I know with your steady influence he soon will be! Not to worry, I have faith in you! We can chat tomorrow, I'll be up somewhere around....ummm maybe....2ish! Why is it that you always need a vacation from a vacation, and a good long sleep after being knocked out all day on massive amounts of meds?

But at least we found that of all the medical equipment we have here, the walker works the best for getting around if I need to take something with me, and the crutches do if I'm just hoping from one chair to the other, or back to bed.

Take care, and take good care of yourself, I worry about you too my friend! Never mind about the bed bugs....it's the big furry ones with "clobber syndrome" that get you every time. And think of it this way, tomorrow's just another tail waggin day! Wag....wag....wag....wag....snufffuulll!

Hugs!
7th Stepper

 

[browncoat]

LEO showed up in what seemed to be only seconds. (KUDOS LEO!)

I interned with the city prosecutor at Ohio University and was explicitly instructed that if i someone came in for help with their abuser I was to drop what I was doing immediately.I saw it once and the entire office put what they were working on down to help.this poor woman. Law enforcement take this extremely seriously. 7th stepper, I don't think I have ever been more moved by a forum post.

 

[longbow]

My fun neighbors just get too drunk to do anything like that. They keep it inside. We do hear them now and then, but no blows have been seen. The both look worn, and if they got into a fight, who could tell.

 

[lrahm]

Is there an adult protective services in your area? They might be the ones to call. they have the powere to come in and investigate. Your PD might have a domestic violence unit also. Good luck Dood.

 

[7th Stepper]

I interned with the city prosecutor at Ohio University and was explicitly instructed that if i someone came in for help with their abuser I was to drop what I was doing immediately.I saw it once and the entire office put what they were working on down to help.this poor woman. Law enforcement take this extremely seriously. 7th stepper, I don't think I have ever been more moved by a forum post.

Thank you browncoat, that's very kind of you. It's true about the LEO's back here, but we originally started out in CA, and it's still the same there now as it was then, maybe with a bit more compassion, but as a friend of mine pointed out to me just recently when we were were comparing Gun Laws there vs here, it's an entirely different world in that state, where Guns are outlawed and Pot is legal.

Ironically tho, once my ex got the police involved, and originally tried to have them track me down, the tables turn on him when the "Involuntary Missing Person's" report went out. Sort of an adult Amber Alert. I have a cousin who's an LEO on a little further south PD, and he notified his mom, and she called me.

I immediately called the Campbell PD, and explained in detail what was going on, and when I got to the part where I mentioned our then 4 year old daughter, the officer stopped me. He said "WHAT??? YOUR WHAT??? He NEVER mentioned that there was a child involved!" Apparently that really set them off. And the entire force kicked into action, keeping our whereabouts hidden from him, by any way possible. They in the meantime decided he was a scumbag and made his life miserable. Even arresting him for a DUI, TWICE in one night! His son had bailed him out the first time, and then drove him to where his truck was, and he tried to drive home while still drunk. They either were waiting for him, or just happened to have an officer there, and they busted him a 2nd time. And this time there WAS no bail! He went before a judge, and was sentenced to probation for 6 months, and a restraining order was issued for him to stay away from me, but my location wasn't given out.

THAT IS, until I filed for divorce, here. After 6 months to the day of remaining hidden here, the divorce papers went out, complete with a "no contact" order, GIVING HIM MY PHYSICAL ADDRESS, PHONE #, CITY, STATE, and just about any other information he needed in order to find me again. I was FURIOUS! At first I thought one of my friends had betrayed me, but when I got my copy of the papers, I realized what had happened and contacted my attorney immediately. Talk about a MAJOR screw up! But I could understand how it happened, because neither the judge, the clerk, or anyone other than my attorney (who's now a Judge and still a friend) knew the circumstances of what was going on.

I received a call from my the very next day, stating that he was going to come here and kill me for my deception and interference in his life, and making him feel persecuted for things that he hadn't done. A call that I was able to record on our answering machine and then turn in to our local Marshall.

That's when our LEO's here in IN kicked in, I had a 5X7 photo of my ex, and gave it to our town Marshall, who faxed it to all the appropriate agencies, my daughter and I were finger printed, and pictures were taken, so they knew if we came up missing, who and what to look for, and I became "LEO central" whenever we had a court date. The LEO's HERE, were (and still in my opinion are) some of the kindest, bravest, most considerate and compassionate people in the state. We were under police protection 24/7 every time we had a court date, usually starting the day before, and running a couple of days past, knowing he would be driving here, not flying. Since I still had the Pink Slip to his truck, they had a full description of it as well, and if I didn't know better, I would swear they sealed off the entire state to protect us. I was, and will forever be, grateful to them for all their kindness and help they provided in keeping us safe. They have my undying gratitude and appreciation for the safety I'd felt for the first time in many years.

They knew/know Bill as well, and we're still friends with a lot of them, and say "HI" whenever we get the chance to see them again. Usually they're hard at work, keeping the rest of the population safe. I wish it could have been the same way from the beginning in CA, but just the population in that state alone, made that impossible. The crime rate is thru the roof there, they're understaffed and underpaid, and get their A**es handed to them every time they working a shift, especially at night. That's when the weirdos come out.

I know that's still true, I spent 99% of 2010 back in CA, having some much needed surgery done. I COULDN'T wait to get back home, to here and to Bill, where life is SO much safer, and our officers are able to devote so much time to even the little things that matter most to others. Here they're able to go above and beyond, out there, there's just to many people and to big of an area, and way to little money for them to even adequately do their jobs. It's not their fault, if anyone is to blame it's the bureaucrats that have been elected and are draining the state dry for their own personal use.

Bill just read me an article from the LATimes website last night, that Gov J. Brown has just made it against the law to OC anywhere in the state, made tougher restrictions on getting a License to begin with, and is mandating the registration and possession of long guns as well. And the person who owns the guns, has the privilege of paying for them to be registered in the state. This is NUTS! They think we're a bunch of "gun totin nut case hillbillies" back here, because we FIGHT for every right we can get to protect our 2nd Amendment rights, not just sit back and let apathy take over, while our rights are being taken away, "for our own good".

And I still get weird looks from people who ask me why I chose IN over CA, because "there's just so much more opportunity out there". NO, there's not! Especially if you count the cost of living alone. What we paid for our HOUSE here, wouldn't even buy a small condo out there. And everyone's on some form of Welfare, MediCal or Medicade, State Grants, you name it. The people I lived with, charged me $600. a month, just for the privilege of sleeping under their roof. But they'd originally said they were going to be my "caregivers" 24/7? Nope, they needed MY money to get along, and now since I've left, they're over $3500 behind in back rent and facing eviction. I'd feel sorry for them, except they were bound and determined to get me to divorce Bill, and stay there with them. And I had been BEST FRIENDS with the woman for 26 years, and she pulled this?

She also drives, while on a Schedule 2 Narcotic, a Schedule 3 narcotic, a Benzodiazapene, a Schedule 3 Muscle Rexaxant, AND smokes a couple of bowls of Pot, THEN gets behind the wheel to drive to the store, thinking she's perfectly competent and in control of her faculties. UM, NO! That's one mistake I never made, getting in the passenger side of the car, with her behind the wheel.

So I escaped to a far better place to live, am married to a man who truly loves not only me, but our daughter as well, have friends who don't try to stab me in the back when I'm not looking, neighbors who care about me, LEO's who DO their jobs to the best of their ability, the cost of living is within reachable means, and life is generally quieter, and far safer. I DO know the comparisons, only to well.

And there's no "dirty laundry" being aired, it's been washed clean by my life and people in it, a long time ago. But if it helps just ONE person have the strength to know they can make it out of that type of situation, and they've been lurking and reading this thread, they've amassed a HUGE arsenal of ways to get the help and attention they need, to free them from their abusers choke hold grasp.

And if that's the case, then coming forward and posting it, even tho getting ridiculed by some, it's all worth while, and maybe they can start life anew like I did, and find their little spot of Heaven, AWAY from the person who's making their life now a living HELL.

Thanks,
7th Stepper

 

[Benny]

7th Stepper, does Bill ever get a chance to speak when you guys are hanging out? You have to be the wordiest poster I've seen on this board(or any board for that matter).

(Great posts BTW...Wordy doesn't mean bad)

 

[7th Stepper]

Oh, and just a quick note to all who've PM'd me and I haven't answered yet. I'm sorry I was absent yesterday, we were in Indy, getting ready for my foot surgery, which I needed because it had been originally mismanaged here in town, and now needed a Specialist to fix what was wrong. They operated on me at about 1:00 (I think) and we didn't get home again till later, and I was still half asleep.

I was a bit dopey last night from the anesthesia, and by the time I went to bed, I'd been up almost 36 hours. I woke up this morning feeling like someone had taken hedge trimmers and sawed off all my toes. OUCH! The Dr. was/is great, and he and the hospital have been checking on me with regular phone calls both last night and today, just to see how I've been adjusting to being able to use only 1 foot.

I promise I'll answer each one, it's just taking me a bit longer to do things at the moment. Bill has been hovering over me as usual, and while he was at work today, our daughter came over a couple of times and took care of what needed to be done. So I've managed to be up for a few hours at a time, and resting with my foot elevated the rest, and the dogs have done a great job of staying off my foot and not stepping on me like they usually do!

Our daughter will be here tomorrow, as she has the day off, and Bill has a 24 hour shift to work. But what they can't do for me, I can either figure out a way to get around it, or call on a few of our neighbors to come over and lend a hand.

I just didn't wany anyone to think I was ignoring them, I was just a bit preoccupied being ouchy. We'll see the Dr again in 2 weeks, and he'll xray to find out how I'm healing and how well the screws he put in are working. And with any luck, by then it'll be healed enough to have a walking cast put on, and I can get around better.

Thanks for all your prayers, they're very much appreciated.

Hugs,
7th Stepper

 

[7th Stepper]

7th Stepper, does Bill ever get a chance to speak when you guys are hanging out? You have to be the wordiest poster I've seen on this board(or any board for that matter).

(Great posts BTW...Wordy doesn't mean bad)

Awww Benny, I do let the poor guy get a word in edgewise from time to time. And some of his posts have either rivaled or exceeded mine over the last few years. He's just let a much duller life! He's also a bit more private about things than I am, and is constantly on me for giving out to much information on the net. But what the heck, as I said, if it helps even one person (male or female) get away from their abuser, it's all worth it.

Besides, I've been told several times that I should write a book on my life, maybe I'll just collect the posts from here and a few other boards I've been on, and we'll ALL be famous, and INGO will become a house hold word! Now what a world THAT would be!


Hugs Benny!
7th Stepper

 

[Sylvain]

Awww Benny, I do let the poor guy get a word in edgewise from time to time. And some of his posts have either rivaled or exceeded mine over the last few years. He's just let a much duller life! He's also a bit more private about things than I am, and is constantly on me for giving out to much information on the net. But what the heck, as I said, if it helps even one person (male or female) get away from their abuser, it's all worth it.

Besides, I've been told several times that I should write a book on my life, maybe I'll just collect the posts from here and a few other boards I've been on, and we'll ALL be famous, and INGO will become a house hold word! Now what a world THAT would be!


Hugs Benny!
7th Stepper

Just with what you wrote on that thread only you can write a couple of volumes.

 

[Benny]

Awww Benny, I do let the poor guy get a word in edgewise from time to time. And some of his posts have either rivaled or exceeded mine over the last few years. He's just let a much duller life! He's also a bit more private about things than I am, and is constantly on me for giving out to much information on the net. But what the heck, as I said, if it helps even one person (male or female) get away from their abuser, it's all worth it.

Besides, I've been told several times that I should write a book on my life, maybe I'll just collect the posts from here and a few other boards I've been on, and we'll ALL be famous, and INGO will become a house hold word! Now what a world THAT would be!


Hugs Benny!
7th Stepper

I'd rep you again, but it's been too recent.

 

[7th Stepper]

Just with what you wrote on that thread only you can write a couple of volumes.

True, and I could even rival S. King for the length of the book, his are usually about 900 to 1000 pages long, but in much smaller print.

Did I ever mention that I got all A+'s in my English classes for "creative writing" during HS? You should have seen my thesis in Senior Year, it was a mind boggler!

Oh the ideas you've just given me, campaigning for Gun Rights, and doing a Filibuster on the Senat floor? We'd win just to shut me up!

 

[Kitty]

<snip>
And there's no "dirty laundry" being aired, it's been washed clean by my life and people in it, a long time ago. But if it helps just ONE person have the strength to know they can make it out of that type of situation, and they've been lurking and reading this thread, they've amassed a HUGE arsenal of ways to get the help and attention they need, to free them from their abusers choke hold grasp.

And if that's the case, then coming forward and posting it, even tho getting ridiculed by some, it's all worth while, and maybe they can start life anew like I did, and find their little spot of Heaven, AWAY from the person who's making their life now a living HELL.

Thanks,
7th Stepper

Sharing stories like this helps people know they are not alone. It is amazing how abuse plays with your head, even in someone who is normally strong and/or independent. I remember feeling like no one could possibly believe me. I just hope that anyone in an abusive relationship (and yes men can be victims too - talk about a hard road) seeks help.

And if someone knows of this kind of stuff going on, say something. It can be the difference between the abused living with and and having the courage to step forward. I know that doctor made all the difference to me.

7th Stepper, you are one of the strongest people I know and I'm honored to call you friend.

Kitty

 

[Spanky46151]

Domestic abuse = always call the police. Abuse victims often are afraid to do so themselves and, although many choose not to follow through with prosecution, it helps lay a base history of crimnial behavior that will be important should they ever decide to escape their current situation. BTW it is your business...your's, mine and everyone else's.

 

[marine2f3]

Just give me the guys address and i'll come over with a few friends and baseball bats. He'll never touch her again.

 

[lrahm]

Domestic abuse = always call the police. Abuse victims often are afraid to do so themselves and, although many choose not to follow through with prosecution, it helps lay a base history of crimnial behavior that will be important should they ever decide to escape their current situation. BTW it is your business...your's, mine and everyone else's.

He's right. In our county the suspect can't bond out until he sees a judge. If he pleads guilty he has to take DV classes. Second conviction is a felony. This is considering the first was a misdemeanor conviction.