How to shower like a woman. How to shower like a man.

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  • Colinb913

    Sharpshooter
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    0   0   0
    Feb 15, 2012
    731
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    Newburgh
    Thought this was chuckle worthy.


    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

    EDIT: Crap, I got the idea to find this again from the "are you gross in the shower" thread, I didn't bother to see someone scooped me with a youtube video.
     
    Last edited:

    92ThoStro

    Master
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    3   0   0
    Dec 1, 2012
    1,614
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    Hahaha that was great . My ex would be so disgusted by me blowing my nose in my hand she would turn the radio or tv up when I showered. lol..... !



    manygunsmike

    What does she want you to do? Get out of the shower, drip water all over the floor on the way to the toilet, get toilet paper and blow your wet nose in it, and it disintegrates and gets stuck all over your face?
    Is she crazy?
     

    sepe

    Grandmaster
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    1   0   0
    Jun 15, 2010
    8,149
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    Accra, Ghana
    Showering is a huge waste of time. I just splash on some Brut 33 and head out the door. No need for toothpaste or mouthwash as I drink at least 2 gallons of coffee a day.
     

    xfrostybeersx

    Master
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    6   0   0
    Dec 26, 2011
    1,974
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    C.P.
    That's Awesome. I needed that today!!!!!

    My son was sitting next to me as I was reading it in my head and laughing out loud........ good thing He can't read fully yet.
     

    PappyD

    Sharpshooter
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    5   0   0
    Feb 24, 2008
    463
    28
    Westfield
    Weiners, Johnsons, Schwanzs

    ...you forgot that point, where, after all the "admiring", a thought enters your mind... you call out to the spouse in your best romantic tone-

    YOU "Hey.....what are you doing right now?" "Who else is home?"

    HER in high, tired and somewhat annoyed voice- "I'm cleaning the kitchen!"

    YOU again, being romantic "Umm, uhh, I want to show you something"

    HER crickets...................BUT every so often...:rockwoot:
     

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