How To Scare Off Californians, Keep Our State Safe…. (Satire)

[Ingomike]

These are the absolute best ways to scare off a Californian:

1. Smile and wave at them: Californians hate this! They might even be killed in the process.
2. Offer them sweet tea: They will instantly become diabetic just by looking at a full pitcher of Southern-style Sweet Tea. As an added bonus, the polite gesture will also scare them (see above).
3. Show off a cool gun you're packing: They will freak out even though this is only one of the guns you are packing. The others aren't as cool, sadly.
4. Ask them where they are going to church immediately after meeting them for the first time: It's normal to do that where you're from, but this question is basically kryptonite to a Californian.
5. Invite them to your church this Sunday: (Same as above)
6. Show them your house and the several acres you live on: Their brains literally can not comprehend the idea that a family of four isn't crammed into a tiny studio apartment. It will seem icky and wrong to them for it to be any other way.
7. Point out how many houses in town have American flags: Once they notice this little detail, they will react like vampires to the sun coming up at dawn.
8. Start talking about what they can expect when winter rolls around: They are only used to one season that lasts all year round and you may need to explain the concept of winter several times before the horror for them really sets in.
9. Show off your Trump 2020 and 2024 bumper stickers: This is sure to send them back to California in absolute terror.

9 Ways To Scare Off Californians Looking To Move Into Your Neighborhood

Wait a minute, is that young couple looking for a home in your neighborhood from California? You better get them out of here pronto before they turn your beautiful state into a socialist cesspool! If you don't, you'll both have to look for a new state to move to in about ten years after they...

babylonbee.com

 

[BehindBlueI's]

Honestly, if we could trick them all into moving somewhere else at the same time then backfill CA with 'normal' people, that'd be the best outcome. CA is awesome in the literal sense, there's so much awe inspiring natural beauty there. It's the Californians who ruin it, IMO. At least in the cities. The one time I went to northern CA it seemed much more normal.

 

[Kirk Freeman]

Honestly, if we could trick them all into moving somewhere else at the same time then backfill CA with 'normal' people, that'd be the best outcome. CA is awesome in the literal sense, there's so much awe inspiring natural beauty there. It's the Californians who ruin it, IMO. At least in the cities. The one time I went to northern CA it seemed much more normal.

The old switcheroo?

 

[Kirk Freeman]

The California refugees I have met are all cool, the people we want, fleeing oppression.

And, what the devil is "sweet tea", sounds like some nasty Southern filth, like butter on veggies or some such nonsense.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

The old switcheroo?

View attachment 309694

Yup. NJ is mostly a **** hole. Maybe get them all to pile in there to Tokyo levels of urban density while we sneak in there left behind properties. By the time they realize what's up, we'll have established squatter's rights. Or something.

 

[TheGrumpyGuy]

And, what the devil is "sweet tea", sounds like some nasty Southern filth, like butter on veggies or some such nonsense.

It's like a Long Island Ice Tea, but without the fun stuff in it

 

[Shadow01]

It's like a Long Island Ice Tea, but without the fun stuff in it

Maybe your version…

 

[Kirk Freeman]

Yup. NJ is mostly a **** hole. Maybe get them all to pile in there to Tokyo levels of urban density while we sneak in there left behind properties. By the time they realize what's up, we'll have established squatter's rights. Or something.

Adverse Possession?

 

[deo62]

I hear Palestine has plenty of vacant lots..

 

[BehindBlueI's]

Adverse Possession?

As established in Finders Keepers Vs Losers Weepers.

 

[Kirk Freeman]

Me: "Your honor, to demonstrate my point, I cite the case of King Kong vs. Godzilla . . ."

Judge: "Again?"

 

[Leadeye]

Sometimes grin, sometimes scowl, either way.

 

[Tombs]

The California refugees I have met are all cool, the people we want, fleeing oppression.

And, what the devil is "sweet tea", sounds like some nasty Southern filth, like butter on veggies or some such nonsense.

They may act that way, but when it comes time to vote they're going to bring their failed politics with them no matter how much they rant about how awful it is.

There's no fixing people who have been programmed to the extent that those people have been.

If they were truly interested in our way of doing things and our politics, they would have been investing that money and effort into doing what they could for their home state.

 

[Lmo1131]

With respect, there are a helluva lot more other “immigrants” to be worried about than Californians…

 

[04FXSTS]

With respect, there are a helluva lot more other “immigrants” to be worried about than Californians…

True, but each is dangerous in their own way. Some will try to disrupt our lives by actual violent attacks on innocent people where they try to slaughter as many as possible. Then there are attacks on the power grid or water systems or other infrastructure.
This thread was started to talk about people coming from California to a "red" state where life is good. Those people have come in and voted to change their new homes into the mess they left. Colorado has been totally ruined by these new voters coming from California. I came from the s***hole of Illinois but did not bring Illinois with me. I know others that have came from there and more looking to move here that will be fine residents. We don't need or want those people that come here to make changes for "our own good." Jim.

 

[Kirk Freeman]

They may act that way, but when it comes time to vote they're going to bring their failed politics with them no matter how much they rant about how awful it is.

There's no fixing people who have been programmed to the extent that those people have been.

If they were truly interested in our way of doing things and our politics, they would have been investing that money and effort into doing what they could for their home state.

When the Rodney King cops that were not convicted fled to Indianapolis, I did not find that to be their attitude.

California is an enormous state, millions upon millions disagree with Newsomian politics.

 

[Lmo1131]

California is an enormous state, millions upon millions disagree with Newsomian politics.

My point, exactly. I happen to be one...

 

[Kirk Freeman]

My point, exactly. I happen to be one...

Welcome, friend. I will not offer you sweet tea as I have no idea what that is.

 

[Lmo1131]

Welcome, friend. I will not offer you sweet tea as I have no idea what that is.

That's 'cause yer one'a them northern Hoosiers. If'n ya'd git down in the southern parts, along the river and such, you'd know what it is.

EDIT; I spent a few years on the other side of the river from your fair city.

 

[Nazgul]

Lived in CA from '84 to '95, wife was in the Air Force. We stayed and bought a house in Lodi after she got out. It was a naturally beautiful place and the weather, other than 100+ for awhile in summer, was nice.
Found the people outside of the big cities were ok, just trying to raise their families. But there was always this undercurrent of liberal BS going on. Our relatively small town had very liberal people running it. It was crazy.

Not sure you can transplant most people from there. Even if they have conservative values there will be a break in their reasoning someplace.

We were conservative when we went there and conservative when we left.

Don