My sympathy to you. Been there, but it was 30 plus years ago. Wife's mother happened 3 times, she eventually ended up with 7 kids. Make sure your wife does not see this as a reflection of her worth or accept guilt. Does she have any older women in her life, like at church or something that can talk to her? That seemed to help a lot.
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From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows...
- Thread starter terrehautian
- Start date
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igotdiesel2
Sharpshooter
My Brother, I pray for you and your wife. I read your first thread and was ecstatic for you. This saddens me deeply. Comfort your wife, she will need a strong shoulder.
terrehautian
Master
I know things are going to get better.
BTw, this is what one of the first things on my facebook newsfeed was on Saturday morning.
then this was on of my facebook page likes this morning.
I would say it was pure coincidence, but I don't believe anything happens without someone up above doing it anymore. I am glad I married a strong woman who can handle this stuff with as much strength as to be expected.
BTw, this is what one of the first things on my facebook newsfeed was on Saturday morning.
then this was on of my facebook page likes this morning.
I would say it was pure coincidence, but I don't believe anything happens without someone up above doing it anymore. I am glad I married a strong woman who can handle this stuff with as much strength as to be expected.
Thoughts and prayers for you and your wife. I've never had kids (but love my step grandchildren), so I haven't experienced this first hand. I do know that it is not the end of everything though. My own mom miscarried 4 times before she had me. Don't give up, and stay strong!
w_ADAM_d88
Master
Thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wife!
CountryBoy19
Grandmaster
Sorry to hear that... life is truly a miracle, unfortunately, miracles don't always happen... The statistics on miscarriages are so wildly scattered because quite often, as Hoosierdoc says, women will miscarry before they even realize they were pregnant. And there is nothing you or your wife did wrong to cause it. Miscarriages early on like that are almost always the result of an unviable fetus. There was some defect, problem, or condition that made the fetus unable to survive and it either died, or was rejected. Fortunately, that is nature (God's) way of ensuring that defective/unhealthy fetuses don't go further. I know it sounds harsh, and none of this will quell your anger, sadness, frustrations, or general discontent, but I hope that in time you can see this.
Not to rub anything in your face, but for some exciting news, there is still much hope for you. My wife and I tried for a long time and we're pregnant with our first despite our age... miscarriage was a big fear of ours but we made it past the hump (12-14 weeks is the "hump" in a pregnancy, if you make it that far you're most likely good from there forward)... we're now over 41 weeks (40 is the due-date) and we're just waiting... any day now...
Not to rub anything in your face, but for some exciting news, there is still much hope for you. My wife and I tried for a long time and we're pregnant with our first despite our age... miscarriage was a big fear of ours but we made it past the hump (12-14 weeks is the "hump" in a pregnancy, if you make it that far you're most likely good from there forward)... we're now over 41 weeks (40 is the due-date) and we're just waiting... any day now...
@OP - I'm so sorry. My wife and I had the same situation before our first child, and then again between #1 and #2. Prayers to you and yours.
@CountryBoy 19 - my wife went 2+ weeks late on all 3 of our kids.
Twice she went into "normal" labor the day they were going to induce (middle one was a C section). The last 2 weeks were... challenging. For everyone! Good luck! Prayers to you and yours, too!
@CountryBoy 19 - my wife went 2+ weeks late on all 3 of our kids.
Twice she went into "normal" labor the day they were going to induce (middle one was a C section). The last 2 weeks were... challenging. For everyone! Good luck! Prayers to you and yours, too!
Slawburger
Master
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Be strong for each other and good to each other. Nobody's at fault so don't let each other feel guilty about something that is beyond your control. Take some time to heal and try again. Many couples have gone through this and later had successful outcomes.
terrehautian
Master
We know there was nothing we did for this to happen. One of the things that has come out of this is all the people who have said they had them. My wife is an amazingly strong woman. The first three days were horrible, but everyday has been better. We believe what had formed of the baby passed through yesterday. We are hoping everything came out and no D&C will be needed. We can actually talk about it without feeling sad and crying most of the time now. We set a date to possibly start trying again (after the waiting of time the doctor said to wait). The hardest part for me has been when my wife goes to work and I have to go to bed alone. Almost every time, my mind just goes to thinking about what happens and everything that happened in the ultrasound room just replays in my head again clear as day. When my wife has been home, we talk about it and usually I go right to sleep.
I will say that one night when it replayed in my head, I made a ebay purchase.
The little baby in angel wings was a purchase I made. It came on Monday. The candle holder is what a coworker of my wife got us. I didn't read what it said until yesterday when I had time to read it.
This last weekend was nice because we got back to a normal type of weekend for us. We had Thanksgiving with friends on Saturday and then Sunday we were with the one year olds at church. I love helping with the one year olds even though I have only done it about four times. The first time I helped, one little girl was being fussy and just wanted to be held. The next time, another one wanted to be held. One time a little girl fell a sleep in my arms for about 30 minutes. One arm almost fell a sleep, but since she was mostly on that arm, I didn't move it. This last time, another little girl wanted to just be held. Eventually I got down on the floor and she sat between my legs while I played with a few other little kids. It has been all those times helping I realized that my wife will be an awesome mother. Even when faced with eight one year olds, she never really had any issues with them.
I will say that one night when it replayed in my head, I made a ebay purchase.
The little baby in angel wings was a purchase I made. It came on Monday. The candle holder is what a coworker of my wife got us. I didn't read what it said until yesterday when I had time to read it.
This last weekend was nice because we got back to a normal type of weekend for us. We had Thanksgiving with friends on Saturday and then Sunday we were with the one year olds at church. I love helping with the one year olds even though I have only done it about four times. The first time I helped, one little girl was being fussy and just wanted to be held. The next time, another one wanted to be held. One time a little girl fell a sleep in my arms for about 30 minutes. One arm almost fell a sleep, but since she was mostly on that arm, I didn't move it. This last time, another little girl wanted to just be held. Eventually I got down on the floor and she sat between my legs while I played with a few other little kids. It has been all those times helping I realized that my wife will be an awesome mother. Even when faced with eight one year olds, she never really had any issues with them.
Awesome to hear of your healing process. Thanks for the update.
One word of (loving) warning about 1 year olds: they turn into 2 year olds.
When the time comes, try to remember to enjoy each day, each age, and each phase. It is harder than it sounds.
Thanks for the update.One word of (loving) warning about 1 year olds: they turn into 2 year olds.
When the time comes, try to remember to enjoy each day, each age, and each phase. It is harder than it sounds.
terrehautian
Master
My mom has had a two year old tornado as a foster......
Having lost my oldest son I do understand.
Prayers to you and family.
Stay strong.
Prayers to you and family.
Stay strong.
I'm so glad you are healing. My second pregnancy was a roller coaster (pregnant, not pregnant, oh wait, you are pregnant after all and now we have to deal with the fall out of conception during cancer treatment). I know it's not easy so it makes my heart glad to see you and your wife ar doing better.We know there was nothing we did for this to happen. One of the things that has come out of this is all the people who have said they had them. My wife is an amazingly strong woman. The first three days were horrible, but everyday has been better. We believe what had formed of the baby passed through yesterday. We are hoping everything came out and no D&C will be needed. We can actually talk about it without feeling sad and crying most of the time now. We set a date to possibly start trying again (after the waiting of time the doctor said to wait). The hardest part for me has been when my wife goes to work and I have to go to bed alone. Almost every time, my mind just goes to thinking about what happens and everything that happened in the ultrasound room just replays in my head again clear as day. When my wife has been home, we talk about it and usually I go right to sleep.
I will say that one night when it replayed in my head, I made a ebay purchase.
The little baby in angel wings was a purchase I made. It came on Monday. The candle holder is what a coworker of my wife got us. I didn't read what it said until yesterday when I had time to read it.
This last weekend was nice because we got back to a normal type of weekend for us. We had Thanksgiving with friends on Saturday and then Sunday we were with the one year olds at church. I love helping with the one year olds even though I have only done it about four times. The first time I helped, one little girl was being fussy and just wanted to be held. The next time, another one wanted to be held. One time a little girl fell a sleep in my arms for about 30 minutes. One arm almost fell a sleep, but since she was mostly on that arm, I didn't move it. This last time, another little girl wanted to just be held. Eventually I got down on the floor and she sat between my legs while I played with a few other little kids. It has been all those times helping I realized that my wife will be an awesome mother. Even when faced with eight one year olds, she never really had any issues with them.
little bit of warning though: there's usually more patience with others' kids because you get in more trouble when the kid you belt belongs to someone else.
96firephoenix
Master
Just saw this thread... Very sorry for your loss, and I wish you both the best in your future.
One thing that might be a good idea when you do get pregnant again, is for her to immediately stop drinking tap water (well or municipal supply). It [STRIKE]may be[/STRIKE] is probably just coincidence, but I know a couple people who have had a couple miscarriages in a row and then gone to filtered water from the store and not had a miscarriage after. I got a dispenser and have been refilling 4 gallon jugs for my wife for the last 8 months.
One thing that might be a good idea when you do get pregnant again, is for her to immediately stop drinking tap water (well or municipal supply). It [STRIKE]may be[/STRIKE] is probably just coincidence, but I know a couple people who have had a couple miscarriages in a row and then gone to filtered water from the store and not had a miscarriage after. I got a dispenser and have been refilling 4 gallon jugs for my wife for the last 8 months.
I also did not see this until now. You never forget a miscarriage but you do move on. Your post brought back many memories for me that I have not thought about for a while.
I had a miscarriage between my two children. If I had not had a pregnancy test, I likely would have thought I had started my period late. It was a very difficult time but after waiting the recommended time, I got pregnant rather quickly with my son. When I was 8 weeks pregnant with him, I began bleeding heavily again. I bled for 8 weeks, and the doctor felt it was quite likely I had been carrying twins and lost one. My son was born with no complications.
I have two sisters who have had miscarriages and another who had a stillborn son. I have two nieces who have also had miscarriages. It is far more common than people realize. You and your wife are likely to be surprised by how many others begin sharing their experiences once they find out you have experienced this loss. There is a lot of support available to you. As others have said, just be there for each other and grieve as you need to. You may not grieve the same way or for the same length of time, so be just be understanding.
I will keep you both in my thoughts.
I had a miscarriage between my two children. If I had not had a pregnancy test, I likely would have thought I had started my period late. It was a very difficult time but after waiting the recommended time, I got pregnant rather quickly with my son. When I was 8 weeks pregnant with him, I began bleeding heavily again. I bled for 8 weeks, and the doctor felt it was quite likely I had been carrying twins and lost one. My son was born with no complications.
I have two sisters who have had miscarriages and another who had a stillborn son. I have two nieces who have also had miscarriages. It is far more common than people realize. You and your wife are likely to be surprised by how many others begin sharing their experiences once they find out you have experienced this loss. There is a lot of support available to you. As others have said, just be there for each other and grieve as you need to. You may not grieve the same way or for the same length of time, so be just be understanding.
I will keep you both in my thoughts.
terrehautian
Master
Today would have been our due date, but things are not bad. Mainly because in three weeks we will get to see a baby on a monitor. Things are different this time around, different symptoms and other things that happened before are still going on. I still would give up anything to be holding our baby right now, but time will make that happen.
