BACON! Due to the obvious health hazards associated with bacon the FAD today decided that bacon must be banned. I heard this at my local butcher shop. In order to assist you bacon lovers I will be willing to part with my stockpile of pigs and bacon for merely $50 a pound on the hoof.
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! The world really did end on Friday and we are just now finding out. What is life without bacon! It is the essence and substance of life itself. Just like air....but solid, crunchy, tasty, better looking, smells better, it even sounds better when being cooked. OK...ITS BETTER THAN AIR!!!
I call for a global day of morning. We shall forever call this day..."The Great Bacon Tragedy!" Now I know that not all of the world likes to celebrate bacon. To help rectify this, I will sacrifice myself and take their portion.
You shall be punished by tyeing you to a over sized ham while receiving 40 lashes with a crispy yummy delicious tempting....where was I...oh ya...um 40 lashes with bacon!
You should consider yourself lucky. Some people would pay good money for that.