Anyone else choosing to not have kids?

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Being a Grandpa is the absolute greatest thing in the world. My daughter has given me two. My son zero. Guess which one I like the best now?

 

[melensdad]

My wife and I have been actively choosing to not grow our family outside of us and whatever critters are around. We are both in our late twenties, no previous spouses for either of us, no children for either of us. We've been married for four years, quite happily I might add. My wife has a MS in Biology and works in Cytogenetics at one of the big Chicago hospitals, I am self-employed.

With the way the world seems to be heading... I really don't know. Neither of us really have the desire for kids honestly. We have found our current lifestyle to be quite responsibility free, flexible and financially comfortable. Neither of us really want to give that up.

Are my wife and I crazy or is anyone else finding themselves in a similar position?

Jeremy, my wife and I married at age 24, fresh out of graduate school and barely into our first jobs.

We had 1 daughter . . . 10+ years later.

During our 'childless' years we traveled a lot, mostly to places warm with beaches, often island beaches. Rather than stretching our finances we bought a small house and lived BELOW our income level. We had a modest house in Highland and we SAVED BOATLOADS of cash. 10 years later we were ready for a big house and a child. Worked out great for us. When we were finally ready we built our new home (still live there) moved in with 66% equity, and 3 days after having a baby moved into the new house.

So far its worked out pretty well.

Celebrated our 28th anniversary this spring.

My advice to you is to follow your path but be open to the future.

Live your life, save your money, retire early (I formally retired at age 47) and if a kid or kids are in your future then let it happen.

You have always impressed me as a smart, hard working guy who can figure things out. You will figure out your life too. Just keep doing what you are doing. My guess is that if/when you have a child it will be wanted and loved. And my guess also is that you, like me, will retire early but you'll never stop "working" and your child, if you ever have one, will be well provided for.

 

[goinggreyfast]

For what it's worth, here's what I will say:

The Mrs and I are in our early 50's. We are coming up on our 21st Anniversary. When we met, I had never been married, she had been married twice before. She is my best friend and I love her more than anything else in this world--and she feels the same about me. (Most days anyway... LOL!) She is the most beautiful, caring, and loving woman in the world and I thank God for her every day.

I understood when we met (back in the late 80's) that due to medical reasons, my wife was unable to have children. Early in our marriage we considered adoption, but for some reason it never came to be--partially because for the first 4 years of our marriage we were kind of party animals. At 36 years of age, we got serious about life, sobered up, cleaned up, and started living our lives for the Lord. Since then we really never had the opportunity nor inkling to adopt. Maybe because we have spent the last 16 years trying to get our financial situation in order? Finances have always been a struggle for us for one reason or another.

I guess I have said all that to say this: There are times when we regret not adopting children. We see parents with their kids having a great time and realize that we have missed out on some of life's greatest blessings. Now, we are "grandparent" age, and sometimes we regret not having grandkids. We have a plethora of nieces and nephews, some of which have started having children of their own.

My father went home to be with the Lord almost 10 years ago. Father's Day kinda sucks for me now. My wife had a miscarriage in her 20's, so Mother's Day kinda sucks for her. To this day, she still has trouble going to baby showers. Yes, not having children kinda sucks sometimes. I miss my father so much and there is that bond we had that I will never have with a son.

On the flipside, I see what children have to live with in this world and question why on earth someone would want to raise one in today's society.

Bottom line, you still have a few years. Think about what life will be like when you are our age (or older) and what effect not having children will have on your life. Blessings to you and yours!

 

[churchmouse]

There are douche bags on both sides of the fence.

I know.......sad

 

[hoosierdoc]

My wife and I both have doctorate degrees. She got pregnant with our first child when I was 30 and she was 29. We had stable jobs, good incomes, traveled a lot, etc.... We put off having kids long enough, and probably too long in retrospect.

the fact that you're posting this makes me wonder if you are questioning your decision to not have kids. It really is never too late to have kids if the biology works. Even then, I see plenty of grandparents that adopt their grandchildren because their parents are idiots.

i never liked other people's kids when they were young and needy. I did NOT want to hold your baby or see their picture. Now that I have my own it's totally different. I get that I am not here on this earth for myself. I believe I am here to create life and enhance the lives of those around me. Lots of ways to do that and I'm still working on the enhance part.

regarding "the direction the country is heading" thing: what a cop-out crock. The world is fine. It's been declining since the Garden of Eden and billions have successfully braved it's awfulness to bring forth new life. Don't let that stop you.

if you don't want to have kids, fine. But as others have said, be absolutely sure you don't or you may miss the opportunity to do so. I'll be 54 when my youngest graduates from high-school and hopefully leaves the house. I will have missed out on dozens of trips to sunny places, sporting events, guys' nights, etc. But my life and spirit will continue to be filled and lifted up by my kids and their kids.

 

[RobbyMaQ]

We have chosen to not have (any more) kids.

 

[perry]

I'm barely able to take care of myself, ain't no way I could care for someone else.

 

[BE Mike]

There are plenty of kids born out of wedlock with bad or absent parents. The world doesn't need any more people to populate it. Not saying that this relates to you, but there are some folks who are otherwise good people, but wouldn't make good parents. You definitely shouldn't have kids for the wrong reasons. After our first, we kept waiting for the right time to have another. I wish we would have had ours closer together, but they get along pretty well now. As has been stated, the world has been a bad place for a long time, so that isn't a good excuse for not having kids. Your kid might be the one who makes a huge difference in society. If you really want to not have any children, then I'd suggest getting an operation to make it impossible.

 

[2ADMNLOVER]

With the way the world seems to be heading... I really don't know. Neither of us really have the desire for kids honestly. We have found our current lifestyle to be quite responsibility free, flexible and financially comfortable. Neither of us really want to give that up.

Are my wife and I crazy or is anyone else finding themselves in a similar position?

Well great ! Have you seen the first 10 minutes of the movie Idiocracy ?

You guys ARE the reason billybobjoebob's , pedro's and shaniqua's take over the country by out breeding the good , decent , smart folks of the country . We're EFFED !

But seriously , I'm right there with ya . I love knowing that if I want to pack up and head for Africa right now I can .

When it comes to kids I'm a nun , ain't got nun , don't want nun , don't want anyone else to have nun .

Keep your idiot kids , toys , balls , dogs , problems away from my house !

 

[bradmedic04]

I was anti having kids, then I changed my mind and had to eat crow when everyone pointed out that I was the guy who said he'd never get married and have kids.

Do what you and your wife want, fooey to everyone else. I would say to just be open-minded in the event one or both of you changes your mind.

Having said that, I'm not a terribly sentimental person, but the first time I held my daughter was the most special moment of my life to that point. It's been followed by many, many incredibly rewarding, incredibly difficult, and incredibly terrifying moments.

 

[hoosierdaddy1976]

my wife and kids are what keep me human. if not for them, i would be something quite awful.

if you and yours never want kids, then don't and answer to nobody about it. be sure to have a serious discussion if one of you has a change of heart. difference of opinion on this subject caused the end of a marriage and an engagement in my extended family.

 

[Suprtek]

Everyone is entitled to their own choices in such matters. There is no morally wrong choice IMO. I will share some advice my father gave me a long time ago though. If you wait until you think you are "ready", whether that be due to money, maturity or whatever, you'll likely be waiting a very long time. There's nothing wrong with proper planning but perfect conditions simply do not exist.

 

[BigBoxaJunk]

Parenting is the most important thing we can do in this life. We look at putting as much "Good" into this world as we can. We do that through these children.

Truer words haven't been spoken.


Both of mine are in their late 20's and have no plans to have kids any time soon. I think the way things are now, it's far more normal for kids to take longer to reach that place in life where they feel settled enough to think about kids. The only "grandkids" we have are dogs, and that's fine.

 

[dmarsh8]

Jeremy, my wife and I married at age 24, fresh out of graduate school and barely into our first jobs.

We had 1 daughter . . . 10+ years later.

During our 'childless' years we traveled a lot, mostly to places warm with beaches, often island beaches. Rather than stretching our finances we bought a small house and lived BELOW our income level. We had a modest house in Highland and we SAVED BOATLOADS of cash. 10 years later we were ready for a big house and a child. Worked out great for us. When we were finally ready we built our new home (still live there) moved in with 66% equity, and 3 days after having a baby moved into the new house.

So far its worked out pretty well.

Celebrated our 28th anniversary this spring.

My advice to you is to follow your path but be open to the future.

Live your life, save your money, retire early (I formally retired at age 47) and if a kid or kids are in your future then let it happen.

You have always impressed me as a smart, hard working guy who can figure things out. You will figure out your life too. Just keep doing what you are doing. My guess is that if/when you have a child it will be wanted and loved. And my guess also is that you, like me, will retire early but you'll never stop "working" and your child, if you ever have one, will be well provided for.

^^ Rep inbound!!!

 

[CHCRandy]

I would tell anyone to have children.....as many as you can afford. I would have had 10 kids if money wasn't a factor. There is no day in this world you will ever be prouder then when they are born....and when they graduate to the real world. You know you have done the full spectrum of life. You then feel like you could leave this earth and all would be fine.

My oldest daughter and her husband were not interested in having kids, but then they decided to try, mainly so me and the wife can be grand parents, it took 2 -3 years of trying but I will be a grand dad at 46 in a few months, good Lord willing. My wife and I were both orphans by the time we were early 30's, and thus my kids never really had grand parents. I look forward to having grand kids. So that is something to keep in mind as well...maybe you and your wife have siblings who gave your parents grand kids........but if not, you having them will mean a lot to them as well. I think every parent wants to live long enough to be a grand parent.

Any how, sorry to ramble. Look at the bright side........you can tell the wife you guys need to get to practicing

Best to you.

 

[Hoosier8]

Some people should never have kids. Some people know it.

 

[Snapdragon]

I hit SnappyD with reppage, too... "nosey ****er" made me laugh.

Yeah, just call me Snappy the Sailor.

 

[CitiusFortius]

I'm going to be the most honest one here. I have a 2 year old and my wife is 7 months prego. I love them all dearly and am looking forward to the second. However there are times that I think back to my pre kid life and I long for those days. The freedom, the extra money from not paying for daycares, and doctors, and baby food...Those were the days.

I will never urge anyone to have a kid. It's a personal choice and I totally understand liking your life and not wanting a kid to ruin things.

If considering even a little, read this: All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood: Jennifer Senior: 9780062072221: Amazon.com: Books

 

[goinggreyfast]

.

 

[ModernGunner]

Well, ya know what they say: If you're parents didn't have kids, most likely you won't, either!