Wedding frustration.

[jmiller676]

Ok, future MIL is a a crazy ***** and is trying to plan my fiances and my wedding the way she wants it. First she wants us to have a fancy ball room...we don't. Then she wants one of her friends to do the photography when we have somebody in mind who is a professional. Then she wants to have the caterer be her choice and not ours. Then to top it off my fiances grandmother is very anti-alcohol. She refuses to watch cooking shows that use wine. My fiances mom told my fiance to ask her grandma if a 22 year old is allowed to have alcohol at her wedding. I understand some people have different stances but this is turning into a day we are both already dreading....I may end up paying for the whole wedding myself so we can have exactly what we want.

Future MIL

 

[concrete dog]

Well I will have to say congrats, and good luck in the future.

 

[halfmileharry]

Nothing wrong with having two photographers so paying for one yourself shouldn't hurt any feelings.
Since the brides family is footing the bill they're gonna have a lot of say in how they spend their money.
Have you sat down for negotiations with the MIL and try to work it out?
Open and honest without emotional digs might work. Then again....
Good Luck

 

[Hoosierdood]

Hate to say it, but it doesn't get better any time soon.

 

[jmiller676]

Nothing wrong with having two photographers so paying for one yourself shouldn't hurt any feelings.
Since the brides family is footing the bill they're gonna have a lot of say in how they spend their money.
Have you sat down for negotiations with the MIL and try to work it out?
Open and honest without emotional digs might work. Then again....
Good Luck

Yes and she has always been if I don't like it I'm not doing it. So I may be footing the bill just so my future wife can have the wedding shes dreamed of. The problem is her mom is always emotional saying she can't live with herself if she disappoints her mother.

 

[jmiller676]

Hate to say it, but it doesn't get better any time soon.

The thing is my future MIL is pushing her own daughter away.

 

[Phil502]

Maybe your MIL wants to get hitched to you.

 

[halfmileharry]

The thing is my future MIL is pushing her own daughter away.

Take the high road my friend. This is supposed to be a happy time. Lots of stress and if not careful feelings can get hurt.
You're going to have to co-exist with the in laws eventually in one form or another.
Congrats on a fiance that's on the same wave length with you.
I wish you the very best in resolving this some how.

 

[halfmileharry]

Maybe your MIL wants to get hitched to you.

I see a Jerry Springer episode in the works. Time to pitch in for some INGO gear for the show.

 

[buford t justice]

Welcome to the wonderful world of weded bliss

 

[Que]

Wiill you be living with or really close to your MIL? You may have a lot of give and give ahead of you. I certainly hope things work out.

 

[Indy_Guy_77]

On thing to note: Don't YOU get involved with your FMIL.

YOU communicate with your fiance. Let HER deal with HER family. After the papers are signed, then you'll have a little more leeway.

You deal with your family...let her deal with her family.

 

[42769vette]

im a wedding dj. we **** alot of father/mother of the bride/groom off becuase we make it very clear we work for the bride and groom not the father and mother. parents of the bride and groom are somtimes the biggest problem a reception has.

one thing the parents need to remember is they had their big day, its time to let the kids have theirs

 

[jmiller676]

Wiill you be living with or really close to your MIL? You may have a lot of give and give ahead of you. I certainly hope things work out.

No she is most likely getting into grad school out of state so we will not be within 300 mi of her.

On thing to note: Don't YOU get involved with your FMIL.

YOU communicate with your fiance. Let HER deal with HER family. After the papers are signed, then you'll have a little more leeway.

You deal with your family...let her deal with her family.

Yep, already letting her do that. I don't have the patience to deal with her mom right now. I would blow a cap so I just bite my tongue.

im a wedding dj. we **** alot of father/mother of the bride/groom off becuase we make it very clear we work for the bride and groom not the father and mother. parents of the bride and groom are somtimes the biggest problem a reception has.

one thing the parents need to remember is they had their big day, its time to let the kids have theirs

Exactly what we said. They had their day with what they wanted/didn't want. It's our turn now.

 

[Bapak2ja]

My MIL did not want her daughter to marry me. There was a huge blow up. I finally told MIL we were getting married on a certain date and we hoped she would be there. If not, we were getting married without her. No one had ever stood up to her before. She was shocked speechless. This cleared the air and we had a fine wedding. MIL made the wedding dress and all the bridesmaids dresses. Everything went smoothly.

There were more attempts to control us in the days that followed, but three years later I took wife and kids to Indonesia. MIL never gave us a problem after that. She was too glad to have us around so she could see her grandkids.

Do it your way—you and the fiancé. Be kind. Be polite. Do it your way. Then move far away. Homecomings will be sweet.

 

[iChokePeople]

Grab your BOB, load up your guns, and run away. Nothing good can come of this. Soulmate, love of your life? Sorry, got to go. Mother-daughter issues, when they are there, are aay beyond the comprehension of men. Run. Away. Now.

 

[jmiller676]

Grab your BOB, load up your guns, and run away. Nothing good can come of this. Soulmate, love of your life? Sorry, got to go. Mother-daughter issues, when they are there, are aay beyond the comprehension of men. Run. Away. Now.

So I am gonna run away from someone who supports my gun ownership and hunting time, is tired of her mother telling her what to do, and is always there for me? If you don't have anything to contribute to a thread please refrain from posting. I'm sorry if marriage never worked out for you but don't impose your biased beliefs on me and my future wife.

 

[MrYesterday]

That's why I took 1/4 the money it would have cost to have a traditional church wedding/reception and my wife and I flew to Hawaii where we had an awesome vacation, great wedding in a waterfall garden, just the 2 of us, and stayed in a great resort in Honolulu. We even had the money to get new tattoos.

 

[indysims]

Yes and she has always been if I don't like it I'm not doing it. So I may be footing the bill just so my future wife can have the wedding shes dreamed of. The problem is her mom is always emotional saying she can't live with herself if she disappoints her mother.

I just got married two months ago. If you have to pay to get it your way, that's what you should do. The borrower is slave to the lender. If you're getting married, you and your wife need to put each others needs above the rest. Politely introduce family to their boundaries. "We love you very much and appreciate your desire to help, however it's important to us to (have/do) (whatever) at our wedding so we'll take care of it our self."

Never be rude, mean, or pushy with your MIL, but always politely assert yourself, and illustrate her boundaries. If you're looking out for the best interests of your new family that's what matters. This is a situation that will only get worse. Pushy people rarely ever just decide to get less pushy, they don't see their wrong. Nip it now up front, but always be kind and loving.


Enjoy your wedding, have fun with your new wife, have fun with friends and family. It goes fast and two months later it's a blur. I look at the pictures and it seems like it was years ago, or even a dream, I barely remember it all.


Dave always reccomends this book - http://amzn.com/0310247454

 

[Scutter01]

I think you need to work up a Blazing Saddles on 'em. You know, you build a whole wedding out of wood and canvas somewhere. You might have to stall them with a fake toll booth if you start to run short on time. Then, all of your in-laws will go shoot up the fake Rock Ridge wedding and you two will be free to have the REAL wedding in peace.

(This technique is also known as the "El Guapo")