That was awesome. I was reading it while sitting across from my 80 year old mother. I was laughing hysterically while she looked at me blankly. It's not like I could read any of them to her so I tried to hide my face behind my screen.
Do you have an unusually small head, or an unusually large phone?
Don't know why I assumed phone, just funnier that way.
I can assure you I will use the word SKITTLEFART multiple times tomorrow.