UPS, you feckless weasel. My relatively pricey item was loaded onto your truck as "out for delivery" last Friday. The ETA for delivery was between 5-7pm. You never showed. Was it something I said?
I gave you another chance and, like a midlife crisis suffering absentee father, you said again "out for delivery" and would be at my doorstep by 5-7pm Saturday. Once Weekend Update began to air, I understand I was again lost to your other, more lusty pursuits.
My hopes were slim for Monday but again, you stated "out for delivery" and that you would see me between 5pm & 7pm. By 730pm, my loving wife became concerned that my paranoia was in full swing as I kept returning to the front window to peer out.
By 2100, you left me a heartless "Rescheduled" email notice and I was left sad and neglected, like Monday's Child.
Today is now Tuesday.
You've emailed me to say - once again - that my package will arrive between 1700-1900. However, the UPS website knows you better than yourself and is making no claims to your false fidelity and hollow promises:
I have an idea... if your route is so overloaded that the deliveries at the end of the route can't be met consecutive days in a row, how about you run the damn route in reverse every other day, you worthless piece of crap.
Don't even get me started when you leave a website message that the delivery failed because "no code for community access gate"... there is no gate.
-1 UPS. If you went on strike, how would we be able to tell??
-1 Burger King, just because.
I gave you another chance and, like a midlife crisis suffering absentee father, you said again "out for delivery" and would be at my doorstep by 5-7pm Saturday. Once Weekend Update began to air, I understand I was again lost to your other, more lusty pursuits.
My hopes were slim for Monday but again, you stated "out for delivery" and that you would see me between 5pm & 7pm. By 730pm, my loving wife became concerned that my paranoia was in full swing as I kept returning to the front window to peer out.
By 2100, you left me a heartless "Rescheduled" email notice and I was left sad and neglected, like Monday's Child.
Today is now Tuesday.
You've emailed me to say - once again - that my package will arrive between 1700-1900. However, the UPS website knows you better than yourself and is making no claims to your false fidelity and hollow promises:
I have an idea... if your route is so overloaded that the deliveries at the end of the route can't be met consecutive days in a row, how about you run the damn route in reverse every other day, you worthless piece of crap.
Don't even get me started when you leave a website message that the delivery failed because "no code for community access gate"... there is no gate.
-1 UPS. If you went on strike, how would we be able to tell??
-1 Burger King, just because.